Do You Have Trouble Keeping Your Mouth Shut

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. If you answered yes to the title question I am sure you have realized the truth in this quote by Ambrose Bierce. In order to gain control over your tongue you must be determined to see things differently. People who lose their temper tend to view life in a negative and judgmental way. You have the ability to direct your mind away from angry and upset feelings. You need to realize that you can have peace of mind instead of conflict.
This article will cover a variety of mindsets and behaviors that will teach you how to keep your mouth shut when you are angry.
Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Remember that you have two ears and only one mouth. Use them in this proportion. Its better to be a good listener than to be a good speaker. Listen carefully to what the other person has to say. Take your time before giving them an answer.

Dont be double minded. You cant have peace of mind and conflict at the same time. Be clearly focused on the outcome that you want. (Example: I want to go to bed tonight feeling close to my partner.).
You cant be right and be married. You have to decide Do you want to be right or do you want to be married? Trying to be right will destroy the connection between you. Instead, strive to do the right thing.
Dont jump to conclusions. Slow down and think through the situation.
Dont say the first thing that comes into your head. I often hear people say, I cannot keep from saying the thoughts I have. You can and you must.
As I was writing this, my daughter reminded me of Thumpers quote in the movie, Bambi. If you cant say something nice dont say nothing at all. This is always good advice.

Dont overreact to criticism. Beneath the criticism is an underlying message. Criticism is a smoke screen for deeper feelings. I compare criticism to cheese on a mousetrap. What happens when the mouse takes the cheese? He gets his tail caught in the trap. Thats what happens when you take the bait of criticism. Dont take the bait. Listen for the underlying message.

Stay away from negative thoughts and statements like, I hate this! This is driving me crazy! I cant stand this! These types of statements are like throwing gasoline on a fire. You are making it much more intense. Replace these with positive declarations such as I can handle this. This is not that big of a deal. I have unshakeable peace of mind. Nothing bothers me. Your thoughts will direct your emotions. Choose positive thoughts that help you keep your peace.

If someone uses absolute terms like always, never, everybody, and nobody; dont take them literally. These are emotional terms. If your wife says You never take me anywhere. and you know thats not true; dont take it as a personal attack. Try and hear her underlying request that she needs to know she is special and she wants to spend some time with you.

Dont overreact and dont give advice too quickly. This only trains people not to be open with you.

Dont try to get in the last word. Its not worth the damage you could do by trying to win or be heard.

If you are angry repeat this scripture based verse in your head, In all things be self controlled. Say it over and over so that you dont get derailed into an argument.

There is life and death in the spoken word. Make sure your words build people up versus tearing them down.

Remember to breathe. Stick with the basics. When you are upset, take a few deep breaths.

Strive to use an approach that promotes honor and respect. This can make the difference between a twenty minute argument and a 3 day war.

Realize that your anger most likely is not going to help solve the problem and may actually make the matter worse.

Calmness will help you get to the heart of the matter. This leads to conflict resolution. Trying to be right or show your might will lead to conflict.

Staying connected is more important than making your point.
The only one who is responsible for the way your life works out is you. You cannot change the past, but you can take responsibility for your future. All it takes is a decision. Decide to live a life of discipline rather than one of regret. Remember that discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons. Develop the power of a tamed tongue.

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About the Author:
Mark Webb is the author of How To Be a Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships?. Sign up for Mark Webbs Relationship Strategies Ezine ($100 value). Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com.

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How To Cope With Difficult People

They are out there. They may either be your boss, college professor, business partner, landlord, or even your own spouse, children, siblings or parents. Anyone can be a difficult person to someone else.

You may not admit it -- but at one time or another; all of us have been difficult people to other people.

It is vital to see if you are in a situation with a difficult person or if you yourself are beginning to be one. The first solution to any problem is recognizing the problem.

Most times, difficult people do not realize they are difficult. They don't see that they are demanding too much from other people. They think their attitude is just normal. Likewise, some of their victims may not see that they are dealing with difficult people.

It's vital that at this early point, we grasp the fact that avoiding difficult people does not solve the problem in question. As earlier mentioned, these people are everywhere. There is no privacy they cannot invade.

Ironically, the more successful you get the more difficult people you have to meet and cope with. Coping with difficult people might even be considered an essential skill to getting and staying successful in your life.

If you enjoy sailing in the sea you have to get used to its moods. The key is not to stay out of it but to learn to sail smoothly through thick and thin. Likewise, it is learning how to deal with a difficult person that gives you smooth sailing amid a storm.

Once you master this, difficult people will start liking you.

So what makes a difficult person difficult?

Everyone out there is fighting a life battle of some kind. The battles may be fierce or mild. Different people have different stress tolerance. When people reach a state of high confusion and overwhelm, they become difficult. They, then, unconsciously project their frustration on you.

As a psychologist, my business is actually in dealing with difficult people, trying to make them less difficult. Once people become aware of their own inner pain, they begin to see how they bludgeon others with it, often unconsciously. Their lives are falling apart because they are critical, judgmental, and hostile to themselves and other people. Everything I do in a session is designed for only one purpose: to make them self-aware.

Given this opportunity to see other people more deeply, I have found the best way to stay objective enough to help them is to follow the advice of Don Miguel Ruiz, a brilliant philosopher. He said that everyone is living in their own dream, their own version of reality. You have to understand that everything they are saying about you is only a projection from that state of unawareness. In fact, they do not see you at all, only their interpretation of what someone like you means to them. Thus, he advised--do not take things personally.

If you base your values and your meanings on someone else's point of view, you have merely traded in your own uniqueness and become imprisoned in their dream. You are letting them define you. No one can truly understand you...for they do not know you well enough to do it.

Once you really get this perspective, you can allow yourself the freedom to see them as they are--i.e. upset about something that has nothing to do with you but over something that is bothering them. They are experiencing something about you that does not even exist in your reality.

Often, too, they do not even use the same words in the same way you do. Let me give you a simple example of the often invisible linguistic barrier that arises between people. Yesterday, I was having a discussion with someone about "consciousness." She argued that it had no value for her. This was puzzling to me...because what I was witnessing was a being that was animated because of consciousness. After some investigation, I finally understood that she had narrowed the word down to mean "figuring things out." Thus, while I was defining the word as "sentience, life-force, and awareness," she was defining it as "limited, circuitous thinking."

Thus, even when two people are discussing what appears to be the same topic, they are actually talking about two completely different things. Each in their own minds are convinced that they are correct-because each is viewing something that is perfectly aligned with their own precepts and own vision.

The best way to cope with difficult people is to not take what they have to say personally.

If this does not make sense to you, consider the following.

Difficult people are difficult because:

(a) They project their inner pain on you; and you just happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
(b) They do not even experience you as you are; but only interpret you a certain way because of their limited experience of you.
(c) They do not even see you as you are; but are only caught up in a dream state of what someone like you stirs up in them.
(d) They do not even hear the words you say; but are only interpreting the meaning of your words according to their own hidden definition.

Thus, when you really look at it deeply, it is not wise to take things personally. Once you remain free of getting stuck in their view of you, then you can intuitively understand how to cope with the situation.

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About the Author:
Saleem Rana is a psychotherapist in Denver, Colorado. If you would like to learn how to finally stop difficult people from upsetting you and ruining your life, then you can get more information at http://theempoweredsoul.com/SelfImprovementBooks/difficultpeople.html

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Why Everyone Should Care about Depression

Often, we think of medical issues as being "the other guy's concern." Why, for instance, would we bother spending our time thinking about arthritis if we feel comfortable and limber? Why would we stew over tuberculosis when we are able to breathe freely and clearly?

The logic behind this line of thinking is understandable. If it doesn't affect us, there doesn't seem to be a compelling reason to care a great deal about the problem. Sure, we want to have some knowledge about preventing the onset of some diseases and disorders, but we are not apt to spend a great deal of time considering or researching maladies for which we lack a diagnosis.

There are exceptions to this rule, however, and one of the most notable is the matter of depression. Depression is an illness about which we all should care and to which we should all pay close attention.

What makes depression unique among all of the other illnesses and diseases? There are at least three very good reasons for even the most mentally healthy among us to keep up to date about depression.

The significance of the three reasons outlined in this article is amplified by one fact: there is a depression epidemic underway. The United Nations World Health Organization (WHO) has projected that by the year 2020, depression will be the world's second most dangerous and devastating disease, second only to heart disease.

The rate of increase in depression diagnoses among children is increasing at a frightening clip-every year sees at least an additional twenty percent increase in the incidence of depression among young people.

Some estimates assert that nearly a quarter of all people will some day suffer from depression. To make matters even worse, none of these trends are abating. Depression continues to grow at an alarming rate with no end in sight to the problem.

The sheer magnitude of the depression problem may be impressive in and of itself, but it also amplifies the need for all of us to track and understand the disease. This is true for three primary reasons.

The first justification for concern is the near certainty that depression will touch each of our lives in a very direct way. The statistics recounted above make it almost impossible to avoid having a loved one, friend or close associate who suffers from depression. Depression is an illness that will enter all of our lives indirectly, at the very least. Whether it is a spouse, parent or best friend, you will someday encounter the devastating impact of depression upon someone you know well.

Secondly, the increasing prevalence of depression increases the likelihood that you may eventually experience the problem. Although depression is more likely among those with a family history of the problem, it does strike others unexpectedly, too. And, contrary to widely held beliefs, it does not require a certain trigger or dramatic event to develop.

Depression is unbiased and indiscriminate. It impacts people of all socioeconomic backgrounds, races and gender. Working with the assumption that depression does impact twenty-five percent of the population, ask yourself a simple question: "Is there any other disease you would ignore if you knew you had a one in four chance of contracting it?" The answer is obvious. We even make sure to immunize ourselves against far less likely maladies.

Finally, even if one was somehow able to escape dealing with a depressed acquaintance and was able to avoid contracting the disorder themselves, they are still sure to feel its impact. Depression is a huge drain on the economy, costing literally tens of billions of dollars annually due to medical treatment costs, work absenteeism and an overall drop in productivity. From the viewpoint of civics alone, one should have an interest in the disease and its treatment.

It's easy to ignore many medical conditions-especially if one is healthy. Depression, however, should never be ignored. This growing epidemic affects all of us and warrants a high level of attention.

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About the Author:
john savage is a former health education officer and has made a careful study of depression, stress & anxiety. To read how you can conquer depression, stress and anxiety go to my blog - http://BeatYourDepression.blogspot.com

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How Successful Are Your Success Strategies?

By Marc Bordon
Dear Reader,
I wanted to send you out a brief message this morning, which is in reality a personal question to you: Where does your success strategy come from? Most of us have been using strategies all of our lives and we've not been aware that we've been picking up information from our friends, from our family, from our teachers, from our community and we've been acting strategies of failure or strategies that don't produce the result that we want. That is why something is missing, we have not achieved everything that we want, we keep doing the same things over and over and over again and we wonder why things aren't changing.
Most of us are unaware of the fact that we have patterns in our lives that we do repeatedly and we don't even realize that we are doing it and why we are doing it. All it takes is learning and figuring out and declaring the result, the outcome the experience that you're looking to create for yourself and then finding a model, finding a person, finding someone else that have achieved that result and then learning the strategy that they've used to produce that result. Then you can duplicate that tactic.
You can duplicate that process, you can take the specifics steps that that person took day in and day out - moment by moment - by doing the things that they did and hopefully producing a result that is very akin to that you thought that you would then achieve.
The problem is that most of us learn the strategies that someone else has passed and we think that this is eventually the most successful strategy out there, we do not really take the time to look and ask ourselves the question: Is it that I'm doing giving me the results that I want? If it IS just keep doing what you are doing and you can stop reading this now. But if it is not, well you've got to find a new strategy, you've got to try something new! Find it from a person who is getting the results that you want. From the circle that is getting the results that you want or from the group who is getting the results that you want and learn their strategies, master their strategies to the point from where you can share those strategies with somebody else. By so doing you'll at the same time achieve your personal goals as well!
So all I want to know is where did YOU get those success strategies from? Are they working for you?
If they are NOT...I want you to know, that I would be very glad helping you to find what could be a veritable turning point in your life! So have a look what my Success Strategy looks like. Go visit my Website and look at what could be YOUR future strategy. Go for it!

Marc Bordon wrote his article on Success Strategies to help people learn how to better prosper in their businesses. Marc is a master at helping people generates unlimited leads for their business. If you want to generate more leads, and learn to out sponsor anyone in your company, go to: Marc Bordon's Personal Mastermind Blog.

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Persistence - Your Key to Success

By Priya Deelchand
Do you really want to succeed in life? Is there a goal that you would like to achieve? Do you want to be happier, healthier or richer? One of the most important ingredients to achieve anything great in your life is persistence. Persistence has the power to transform desires into reality. John D. Rockefeller once said "I do not think there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcomes almost everything, even nature."
Persistence separates extraordinary people from ordinary ones. You too can succeed and achieve great things in your life if you cultivate the habit of persisting. All things are possible if you persist. People who persevere, never accept defeat. They just keep moving forward in the direction of their goals.
One of the main reasons why goals remain unachieved and why most people are not successful is a lack of persistence. Initially you are very excited and highly motivated when you make the decision to achieve your new goal and you are determined to succeed. However once an obstacle, large or small, appears you most often allow that obstacle to discourage you from continuing to do what it takes to achieve your goal and succeed.
People who achieved excellence have encountered many obstacles while climbing the ladder to success. Such obstacles would have discouraged most ordinary people a long time back. These extraordinary people, however, refused to quit. They persisted until they succeeded. Thomas Edison is a very good example of the power of perseverance. When he was asked how he managed to persist in the face of continued failure, he answered, "I did not fail. I have just found 10,000 ways not to invent the light bulb." Most people fail simply because they gave up too soon. If they had persisted, success would have been theirs.
You need to persist regardless of the obstacles you come across. You must keep telling yourself that as long as you keep trying, as long as you keep putting effort into doing what you need to do to achieve what you strongly desire, you will succeed. Always remember the wise words of Og Mandino who once said "I will persist until I succeed. Always will I take another step. If that is of no avail I will take another, and yet another. In truth, one step at a time is not too difficult.... I know that small attempts, repeated, will complete any undertaking."
If you persist, you will succeed over the person who has more money, more education or even more talents than you have. Calvin Coolidge was right when he said "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."
Persistence has incredible power. Take constant action in the direction of your goals and trust that the best outcome will always materialize. Never quit. Do not stop singing if you are not accepted at an audition, do not give up on that job you always wanted, do not stop striving to be the person you always wanted to be, do not give up your big dreams. Always remember that all great people started as ordinary people but had a dream and persisted and with a positive mental attitude achieved extraordinary success. If they persisted and succeeded, you can too! So begin to persist now and remember what Winston Churchill said "Never, never, never give up!"

Priya Deelchand is a Life and Business Coach and Founder of Success Strategies Consultants Ltd. She coaches and helps people worldwide in both English and French using Law of Attraction, EFT and other powerful techniques. If you want to live a happier and more fulfilled life, please visit us at http://successstrategiesconsultants.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Priya_Deelchand

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Reduce Stress By Using Lists

By: Mark Altman
Stress is a result of conflict. When faced with a struggle or decision, stress enters our lives and doesn’t leave until the conflict is resolved. Levels of stress usually get out of control when we are busy, because we consistently have too many things on our mind.
One way to lighten the burden of stress is by creating lists. Having our tasks set out and prioritized can take us out of the “constant decision-making” mode that often accompanies a busy lifestyle.
Follow the steps below to create lists that will reduce stress.
1) In point form, write down all the things you would like to get done. Make it a comprehensive list. Include personal and professional items, both short-term and long term.
2) Once the list is complete, prioritize the items. Put the most crucial and time-sensitive tasks near the top, and work your way down.
3) Take a realistic number of tasks from the list, and make that your daily goal. Set aside the rest of the list to be dealt with later.
4) Check off items on your list as they are completed, and add new ones in the prioritized list as they come up.
5) Long-term goals may be broken up into smaller sections.
Here is an example list (probably much shorter than your daily list would be):
• Finish report for client
• Pay electricity and cable bills
• Complete the first two sections of the budget proposal
• Take the kids to the park for 45 minutes
• Buy flowers for my wife on the way home from work
• Change the light bulbs in the basement washroom
• Tidy the shed
When you write down your jobs for the day, they no longer have to dwell in your mind. A prioritized list reduces the need for constant decision making throughout the day, and provides a sense of accomplishment as items are checked-off the list. Most importantly, you will feel more at ease, knowing that important tasks won’t be forgotten or put-off, but completed in an orderly and timely fashion.

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Stress Causes Wrinkles

By: Janet Martin
It’s with us every step of the way. It accompanies us no matter what we do or where we are. It comes and goes like the wind. It can either make our lives miserable and difficult or goad us into beating impossible odds. No, I’m not referring to my mother-in-law but something far more sinister: stress.
Stress is the new epidemic of modern man. It’s here, there, and everywhere. It haunts everybody regardless of age, sex or position in life. It can be cold and cruel at times but it is a normal part of everyday life.
The effects of stress are numerous and can be felt immediately or over time. Stress can make you jumpy, irritable or interfere with your ability to concentrate. It can affect your thinking, behavior or mood. And if that’s not enough, scientists have also found that stress can cause wrinkles.
While stress has long been blamed for fine lines and gray hairs, this has never been validated by the scientific community until now. Researchers at the University of California, San Francisco (UCSF) discovered that it causes body cells to deteriorate.
Elisa Epel, UCSF assistant professor of psychiatry, and her team said that chronic stress reduces the length of telomeres – the tips of chromosomes within cells. A short telomere means the cell has a short lifespan. As stress mounts and more cells die, the body deteriorates and aging sets in: muscles weaken, eyesight and hearing are affected, and wrinkles appear.
“Epel and her colleagues studied 39 women between the ages of 20 and 50 with children suffering from serious chronic conditions, like cerebral palsy, and compared them with 19 mothers in the same age group with healthy children. The longer a woman had been caring for a sick child, the shorter her telomere - and the greater her oxidative stress (a process that releases DNA-damaging free radicals),” reported Mary Carmichael and Jennifer Barrett Ozols in Newsweek.
With the knowledge that intracellular damage comes from stress, Epel’s group hopes to find ways to reduce this damage and combat the signs of aging. She said that lifestyle changes and a positive outlook in life could have a dramatic effect on wrinkles and reverse DNA damage in the long run. Other doctors agree.
“While these results support a link between stress and cellular aging, the exact relationship of stress on aging is complex and isn't yet fully understood. However, stress certainly can have negative effects on physical and emotional health. Anyone concerned about developing wrinkles or other signs of aging would certainly be advised to practice a healthy lifestyle, which would include keeping stress levels under control,” said Dr. Melissa Conrad Stoppler in MedicineNet.Com.
As scientists delve more into the relationship between stress and wrinkles, beat the clock with a good skin care product that will repair and regenerate your skin to give you a more youthful appearance.

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