Don't Try and Control the Uncontrollable!

 By Liz Makin 

 Photo: img.ehowcdn.com

How much time do you spend worrying or getting stressed about things that you have little or no control over? By doing this you can end up feeling very uncertain, overwhelmed, stressed and powerless. However it is very easy to think like this and get in a state. It can also stop you focusing on the areas that you can influence and control. So what can you do about it? Here are some tips to help you:
Understand what is within and outside of your control. By identifying what is within and outside your control you can start to move forward more positively e.g. you can control how often your business contacts your existing customers but you cannot control what the media say about consumer confidence.
Accept that you cannot control the uncontrollable. By accepting the things that you have little or no control over you will be surprised at how quickly you start to feel more in control. You can choose how you think about these things and if you spend less time worrying about them you have more time to focus on the areas you can control.
Change your reaction to things that you have little or no control over. Now you understand the things that you cannot control you can change your reaction to them e.g. you cannot control another person's behaviour, but you can choose to change how you react to them.
Focus on the areas that are within your control. Once you have identified the areas that are within and outside your control, focus on those areas that you have control over.
Set goals for the areas within your control. Decide on what you want to achieve in the areas that are within your control, whether this be in your personal or business life. By understanding what you want to achieve you are more likely to get there and not get distracted.
Plan the action you are going to take. Make a plan of how you are going to achieve your goals. A plan will give a focus to your activity, as well as helping you to understand the different things you need to do.
Take action on the things you can control. By taking action on the things you can control you will start to feel much more in control and you will start making progress. You will also find you have more time for these areas as you will not be worrying about all those areas you cannot do anything about.
Share with others. Often it is difficult to see for yourself that you are getting worried about something that is outside your control. Therefore when you feel anxious, overwhelmed or stressed it may help to talk to someone else about it. Try talking to someone who is impartial and not involved in your day-to- day personal or business life as they will give a fresh perspective and help you see the wood from the trees.
Remember that you have a choice. Don't forget that you have a choice about how you think and feel about things, as well as how you react to them.
If you are trying to control the uncontrollable hopefully this article will have given you some ideas as to how to move forward.

Liz Makin, Makin It Happen - Coaching, Mentoring & Stress Management
Liz Makin provides personalised business coaching, business mentoring and stress management services to business owners, directors, managers and professionals. If you would like further information or to use any of our services please refer to the Makin It Happen - Coaching, Mentoring & Stress Management website at http://makinithappen.co.uk.

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How To Change Your Thoughts in 3 Simple Steps

 By Christiana R Carter 

Photo: marenda.biz

The quality of your life is reflective of the quality of your thoughts. Are you a glass is half full or half empty person? Your thoughts create your life. Do you believe people are out to get you? Then that's the experience you'll have. Or do you believe that people go out of their way to help you? If so, you'll notice people showing up to help. Which are you most like?
You choose what you think. You are either consciously creating your thoughts or passively reacting to the habit of thinking. What do you spend the majority of your time thinking about? Is it positive or negative? You can change your thoughts and focus in 3 simple steps.

1. Make your success list! Think of all the best moments of your life. How did they feel? What were those moments you were at your best or succeeded? Now on a separate sheet of paper write down all your failures. How many have you overcome or turned around? Those get added to your success list too.
2. Make your joy list. Write down everything that brings you joy or makes you happy. Take a few uninterrupted moments to do this. Now write the percentage of time you spend doing these activities. This is only a gauge to know where you are starting. Now mark your top 5 activities. Put them on your calendar.
3. Make your laughter list. There will most likely be overlap here. Think about everything that makes you laugh and write out this list; Friends, activities, things you find funny. What about movies, comedians, or books? What we are doing is creating a menu of things you can do when you have pockets of time and need to laugh.

Print out a copy of these lists and put it somewhere where you'll see it everyday. Make a point to read it everyday. You get what you focus on. This will help you spend your time thinking about your successes which will bring more successes. Laughter will be available when you need it most.
Laughter is a holistic approach. First you must find remind yourself what's working in your life, where you have succeeded and what your best moments have been thus far. Then compile a list of things make you happy and finally write out your laughter list. Let these become your bucket list. Start checking items off your list every week, month or year depending on the size. Some will become reoccurring activities you do daily, weekly or monthly. The more you find time in your schedule for these the better your results will be.
In order to bring more joy and laughter into your life, focus on improving the quality of your thoughts. You'll find that the more you consciously choose your thoughts the happier and lighter you'll become.
T. Harv Eker says, "Thoughts lead to Feelings which Lead to Actions which lead to Results." Thoughts come first. So the first step is to consciously start choosing to focus on what's working, what brings us joy and what makes us laugh. Life will be challenging and throw in some curve balls but stick with it and you'll notice you bounce back quicker and easier each time. Change your thoughts and you'll change your results. You can change your life at the speed of thought and laughter is just around the corner!
Getting different results means taking a different action. Take a different action and see what happens! Let the laughter flow!! You'll be feeling the benefits of laughter in no time. Here's to a life of laughter!

Christiana has been studying laughter since January 2002 after a natural healer told her she did laugh enough. She transformed her life with laughter. Now her passion is helping others do the same to attract the life they want and to improve their health.
For great tips, tools and videos visit her website http://benefitsoflaughter.com. Now you can laugh yourself healthy and happy!

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What's The Difference Between Selfishness And Self Respect?

 By Nick Arrizza, M.D. 

Photo: lfp-blog.com

Do you know that most people are confused between being/feeling selfish and making choices that are self respecting? Do you know that these are opposites and never represent the same thing? Do you know that being/feeling selfish is always toxic to you and that having self respect is always life enhancing? Do you know that it is possible to live perpetually in the latter while at the same time completely eradicating the former from one's life? Finally, do you know that in order to do this one must have the desire and courage to respect the integrity of what I call their Life Force Energy (LFE)? So what is this all about, you ask?
In order to elucidate this vital topic let me introduce what these two diverse experiences actually feel like.
To feel/be selfish means to hoard, be self centered, self aggrandising, uncaring, and self absorbed, etc. All of this stems from some (often more than one) underlying need to prop up one's self esteem, self worth, self image, reputation etc. In other words it is driven by an underlying "need" (and that is the key word) that is often associated with fears of being controlled, used, exploited, deprived, helplessness, feeling unworthy, being left out, and feeling like a victim to name a few.
When one engages "selfish" behaviours it invariably makes the person feel worse in many ways i.e. it further lowers self worth and self esteem, makes one feel guilty, bad, uncaring, unloving, cruel, anxious, vulnerable, bad about one's self and all this has the tendency to lower LFE. A decrease in LFE (or the vital energy of life) is experienced as tiredness, heaviness in the body, decreased mood, depression, enthusiasm and motivation for life.
Another way of saying this is that the "integrity" (or wholeness) of the LFE is compromised by such actions/choices.
Conversely "self respecting" choices (which others may sometimes mis-perceive/mis-interpret) as selfish) actually support, enhance or increase the LFE thus making one feel worthy, alive (or enlivened), joyful, confident, fulfilled, at peace with one's self, whole, strong, resilient, independent, good about one's self, happy, motivated, enthusiastic, self assured and like one "knows" they are on the right track.
To put it simply selfishness is "life (energy) depleting" and self respect is "life (energy) enhancing". In order to discern whether one's LFE is going up or down it is at first necessary to know what it feels like to have LFE coursing through one's physical body. This is where the problem and hence the confusion around this important topic arises.
So many people are walking around in a LFE depleted state that even if it went down they would not have enough awareness to be conscious of it. That's like saying that if you have never washed for 6 months would you know the difference in how clean (or dirty) you felt if you happened to fall into a puddle of mud? Hardly!
So why is LFE so depleted in "normal" human beings, you ask?
Well primarily because LFE is progressively and systematically depleted from the mind/body/energy field each time one experiences a negative (life depleting/stressful) event that then gets "recorded" as a negative memory in that mind/body. The accumulation of such memories is what many call their "life history".
These memories behave as what I call "LFE parasites" that constantly deplete LFE thus leading to death (after all that's what it means to have one's LFE depleted from the mind/body i.e. dying).
It is now possible to completely eradicate these LFE parasites (i.e. negative memories) from within thereby progressively restoring one to life. In do so the ability to discern life enhancing (i.e. self respecting) choices from life depleting choices (e.g. selfish acts) will become more clearly evident.
As I'm sure you can see the benefits of being able to discern between the two is absolutely vital to all aspects of your life.
To learn more about a new coaching process that can help take you there kindly visit the web site below where you can also request a free introductory telephone/Skype consultation to help you get started on your journey back to life.

Nick Arrizza MD, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor is now an International Expert Life, Relationship & Spiritual Tele-Coach, Author the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).
A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Consultation and a Free E-copy of my new book are available upon request. (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)
Email: drnick@telecoaching4u.com
Web Site: http://telecoaching4u.com
Copyright © 2011, Nick Arrizza M.D., All Rights Reserved Worldwide (Feel free to share this with others)

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How To Be Confident In The Way You Look

 By Tamisha Ford 

Photo: cinz.com.au

As a woman, how you look has everything to do with you and absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. If you don't believe this, I have to ask why.
As women, we are surrounded by magazine covers, women taking all their clothes off on television and movies, and the Real Housewives. Oh, you thought I didn't notice? I did honey. I'm a woman too.
With all of this what I refer to as "outside in" mentality, it's hard to walk with confidence, knowing, and complete peace in how you look. In fact, sometimes it feels like there is a golden standard - an "ideal" body that every woman is supposed to have. I thought I would sit down today and take the time to tell you there is no standard and why.
The first reason there's no standard is because there's no standard. Let me explain. How can there be a standard if we're all different? If one person could ever answer that question for me, I would love to engage in the conversation. The simple fact of the matter is, there is no standard. This goes right along with my mantra that there is no "normal." What is "normal" for you is not "normal" to the woman down the street - it's just not. If there was a standard, we would all have the exact same genes, bone structures, and body types.
Likewise, what I might consider standard behavior may be considered not appropriate to another person, based on their upbringing, values, experiences, morals, and the like.
How a woman looks is absolutely no different. Which leads me to my next point and the second reason there's no standard...
No one knows better than you what your "best" is. I get literally sick when I hear a man say to a woman she isn't at her best. Really? You get to decide that? You're a part of my body now? I didn't even know!
I'm being sarcastic, but this is what I want to say sometimes when I hear of this going on.
I'm going to take a moment and expel another myth here. Myth: My best is my "smallest."
A man is not justified in telling you what your best is just because it doesn't match how you looked when you met him or how you looked at your quote, unquote "smallest." You're not justified in telling yourself this either. Your BEST at 25 and your BEST at 35 might look a whole lot different. Some women will look the same way they did at 65 as they did at 25 (and I'm speaking about basic body structure, build & weight). That's just how some women's genes are. If that's what a man wants, let him go find that and be happy about it. And if that's you, then great! For the rest of you, don't feel such a weight to carry your "best" from over 10 years ago. Hormones change, lifestyles change, and so does the way we process foods. Not to mention the women I've heard say, "I love my booty now that I had a baby!"
We have to be okay continuously re-defining what our best is. When you're confident, the people around you are confident.
The final reason there is no standard is because preference exists. I'm sure if every single person on this planet wanted one type of standard person, the world would be out of balance, literally.
The beauty of the woman is she was created in all shapes and sizes - and for good reason - to establish balance. No, I'm not referring to putting us all on a huge earthly scale. I'm merely saying that the beauty is in the variety.
Your best is when no one looks exactly like you. Your best is your standard.
I have to say this too. If you know you're not at your best, you are the only person who will have the passion enough to make that happen because only you know what it is. If someone tells you you're not at your best and you know you are, move along and let them make the decisions they will make.
If you agree with them, then let it become about you, not them.
Never do it for them, do it for you.
If you re-define your best according to another person, you will resent them for having to maintain it. If you do it for you, you'll always feel empowered and rewarded. This makes a HUGE difference in you being confident in the way you look!

As a results-driven empowerment coach and mentor, I bridge the gap between stuck and success for devoted women in life and business.

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Passive Vs Active Creativity

 By Susan K Loughrin 

Photo: my-ecoach.com

Each day you may wake up and write in your journal, practice yoga, meditate, or create something visual. In other words, you may have a consistent routine of creative momentum that brings you joy.
But where does this daily practice lead? You feel energized and creative; ready to begin your day, yet something seems amiss. How can these creative activities lead you to a new awakening? What are you yearning for that you would like to see brought to life?
It is at these times that we need to begin to formulate goals. To see a bigger or greater project based on our daily creative routines. It is vital and important to create each day. Now becomes the time to shift the mind-set.
There seems to be a necessary play between what may be called Passive versus Active creative work. The enjoyment of creating each day as part of your routine is necessary. Creating with a goal supports your need to actively participate in your life's purpose.
What is the main creative outlet in your life that you wish to "solidify"? How can you work each day towards your project goal?
Below is a list of steps that will support you in creating goals for your project journey:
1. Set aside time each day to do your "work".
2. Be proactive-you have a dream to create this project so set the stage for yourself and get to it.
3. When fears arise, practice affirmations, get supportive friends and share your thoughts, let the negative thoughts pass and get right back in there.
4. If a break is necessary, give it a time limit and get back to your task.
5. Set your goals into reasonable chunks of time.
6. Begin to look at venues that would be good to share your work.
Take a look now at marketing, preparing to share your work, shows, and presentations. This can be worked on in tandem, but is a necessary part of all creative work. How will you share it with others? Visualize what this will look like to you. Be thinking of your audience. Who would be most interested? The greater picture is to present, perform, and share your work.
Perhaps you have always been about the process of your creativity, but the wheels keep spinning. The performance (the presentation of your work) is a chance to use the spinning wheels to propel your artistic work straight up with the power of intention.
Where are you on your creative journey? Take the time to reflect on your own work and goals and share your brilliance.

Arts Consultant and Creativity Coach Susan Loughrin helps people find the joy and creativity in everyday life. With the Inner~Creative~Voice Newsletter, she brings inspiration through creativity activities and ideas that can be implemented every day. If you are ready to learn how to bring creativity and wonder into your daily life, visit today and get your free Creativity Gift Pack. http://www.innercreativevoice.com.

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Regret Is Unnecessary - We Are the Sum of Our Experiences

 By M Kashuk 

Photo: afteryoudie.net

To be upset, and hold a grudge, or harbor a regret about something that occurred in out lives 10, 20, 30, or ever two minutes ago is an absolutely pointless waste of time and valuable energy.
We are who we are, plain and simple, because of all of the things that we have done, the choices we have made and not made, and the experiences that we have had throughout our lives!
I smoked a joint when I was 15, ok, so what? Yes, that decision led me down a different path than I might have ended up on had I not had made that choice, but had I not, I would most certainly not be me.
Yes, I had ADHD and was asked to leave my primary school in the 7th grade, and attend a "special" school for three years to fill in the gaps in my learning.
Again, so what, a. nobody cares, b. would never know if I didn't tell them, and c. it worked! That experience DID repair my educational deficiencies, allowing me to go on and graduate high school with my class, and then move on to both attend and graduate college as well!
Would I be ANYTHING like the person I am today, without that experience?
I hardly think so.
Yes, I made many, many very poorly thought out and stupid decisions in my life, and I made some very good ones as well.
Still ALL of these decisions, good and bad coalesced into making me the unique and extremely well rounded person that I am today, with the unique abilities that I currently have to help others through insight into myself.
I was a Buddhist for 6 months in college, a Christian for a week, and an Orthodox Jew, with a huge brown beard, side locks on my head, and a completely black and white wardrobe for around a year and a half!
But do I still hold to any of these philosophies?
Yes, and no, and somewhat.
The point is that I am utterly the sum of every experience that I have ever had in my life, every decision that I have ever made, every concept I have ever learned, and every lesson forgotten.
We choose to be who we are today, yes, certainly.
But that choice is not made out of some void of ignorance or lack of perception.
We are who we are, because we have been who we have been, and you know what, that is what makes each of us a unique human being each with our own set of unique gifts to offer the world!
Enjoy who you have become, and are becoming. Enjoy Life!
Sincerely,
Mordechai

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Where Does Inner Confidence Come From?

 By Dan Jenkins 

Photo: peaceofmindcoach.com

When I was a teenager I was painfully shy, even with people who were "acquaintances". If the teacher called on me to read or respond to a question, I would blush.
A few weeks ago I was privileged to conduct a very elegant, high profile wedding. Years ago it would have terrified me. However, after 400 weddings, I know who I am as a wedding minister, and I know what I can do. Rather than focus in on the circumstances, I focused upon what I knew, and probably appeared to be supremely confident. No one will ever know if I really was that confident, or if I just knew how to combine experience and acting.
Reaching the heights of confidence requires a mountain of failures. And, it requires a particular mindset. That mindset realizes that other people aren't thinking about us hardly at all.. they are too busy thinking about themselves to be concerned about us.
I have the same confidence whether in a small study group (as teacher) or with a large group of uneducated workers or in a huge crowd of wealthy, famous people.. they are all the same. And, all are worthy of respect. It is an interesting thing.. when we really respect other people, they usually figure it out pretty quickly without us telling them. It is probably why I find acceptance wherever I go. (Actually, my lack of confidence and easy embarrassment as a child and teen made it difficult for people to accept me, because I was too busy being concerned about my own embarrassment.)
What is that definition of humility? The acceptance and practice of the importance of other people.
Oh...what is the difference between confidence and arrogance? If you can produce results, and know it, that is confidence. If you have to toot a brass horn about what you supposedly can do, that is arrogance. Actually, arrogance is an attitude of superiority toward other people, and it is opposite of humility.
Do you know why I am confident in my abilities? Because I know why I do what I do.. it is to help other people achieve their goals. Therefore, I dress and behave according to my part, and do my best to make a success for others. I only have one Boss, and He is always watching me. For some strange reason He loves my heart.
It is like my Dad taught me how to treat possessions. He said, if it belongs to you, treat it like it belongs to God. And, if it belongs to someone else, treat it like it belongs to God. It is a great attitude toward a job, other people, and the most precious relationships which God places in our lives. And, when we apply our talents the right way for the right reason, we have every reason to be confident... because we love God and other people.

Dan Jenkins is an ordained minister, Entrepreneur, Internet businessman and author. His wedding website, is found at http://www.ChristianOfficiant.com

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