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Friday, August 12, 2011

How To Be Confident In The Way You Look



As a woman, how you look has everything to do with you and absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. If you don't believe this, I have to ask why.
As women, we are surrounded by magazine covers, women taking all their clothes off on television and movies, and the Real Housewives. Oh, you thought I didn't notice? I did honey. I'm a woman too.
With all of this what I refer to as "outside in" mentality, it's hard to walk with confidence, knowing, and complete peace in how you look. In fact, sometimes it feels like there is a golden standard - an "ideal" body that every woman is supposed to have. I thought I would sit down today and take the time to tell you there is no standard and why.
The first reason there's no standard is because there's no standard. Let me explain. How can there be a standard if we're all different? If one person could ever answer that question for me, I would love to engage in the conversation. The simple fact of the matter is, there is no standard. This goes right along with my mantra that there is no "normal." What is "normal" for you is not "normal" to the woman down the street - it's just not. If there was a standard, we would all have the exact same genes, bone structures, and body types.
Likewise, what I might consider standard behavior may be considered not appropriate to another person, based on their upbringing, values, experiences, morals, and the like.
How a woman looks is absolutely no different. Which leads me to my next point and the second reason there's no standard...
No one knows better than you what your "best" is. I get literally sick when I hear a man say to a woman she isn't at her best. Really? You get to decide that? You're a part of my body now? I didn't even know!
I'm being sarcastic, but this is what I want to say sometimes when I hear of this going on.
I'm going to take a moment and expel another myth here. Myth: My best is my "smallest."
A man is not justified in telling you what your best is just because it doesn't match how you looked when you met him or how you looked at your quote, unquote "smallest." You're not justified in telling yourself this either. Your BEST at 25 and your BEST at 35 might look a whole lot different. Some women will look the same way they did at 65 as they did at 25 (and I'm speaking about basic body structure, build & weight). That's just how some women's genes are. If that's what a man wants, let him go find that and be happy about it. And if that's you, then great! For the rest of you, don't feel such a weight to carry your "best" from over 10 years ago. Hormones change, lifestyles change, and so does the way we process foods. Not to mention the women I've heard say, "I love my booty now that I had a baby!"
We have to be okay continuously re-defining what our best is. When you're confident, the people around you are confident.
The final reason there is no standard is because preference exists. I'm sure if every single person on this planet wanted one type of standard person, the world would be out of balance, literally.
The beauty of the woman is she was created in all shapes and sizes - and for good reason - to establish balance. No, I'm not referring to putting us all on a huge earthly scale. I'm merely saying that the beauty is in the variety.
Your best is when no one looks exactly like you. Your best is your standard.
I have to say this too. If you know you're not at your best, you are the only person who will have the passion enough to make that happen because only you know what it is. If someone tells you you're not at your best and you know you are, move along and let them make the decisions they will make.
If you agree with them, then let it become about you, not them.
Never do it for them, do it for you.
If you re-define your best according to another person, you will resent them for having to maintain it. If you do it for you, you'll always feel empowered and rewarded. This makes a HUGE difference in you being confident in the way you look!
As a results-driven empowerment coach and mentor, I bridge the gap between stuck and success for devoted women in life and business.
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