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Monday, March 28, 2011

Boosting Self Esteem - How to Talk With Confidence

By Derek Butcher

Photo: onlinemedicinetips.com/

Taking time out now to become more self-aware is an investment into your great future. You will know how difficult it is to really know another person even after many years. Even so there will still be unexplored areas of his or her personality.

All of us have the same potential for unexplored areas. How much do you know yourself?. Taking your life so far, do you think all the years spent being yourself are enough to know your inner thoughts, fears, dreams, aspirations and even potential reactions to certain situations?. Do you like what you see when you think about yourself?. Do you believe you are worthy of respect?
This is the foundation of your self-esteem. Esteem is how we value people, places, situations and ourselves It is the emotional and personal value you place on them. However, you are the most important person to value. Once you lose sight of your self-esteem you will not value other people and events. This must mean that you are able to honestly know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses while keeping your self-esteem high
Self-acceptance is your first step in developing self-esteem. One useful way for you to do this is to list all of your personality traits, plan some quiet time for you to reflect on them. Always focus on the positive list first to keep your mind on them in case of any self-doubt. You will gain self-esteem by concentrating on things you can change not on things you cannot. Taking the first step to self-improvement takes courage but think carefully about what is the first step. Then take it.
For example, if you have a bad temper, seek help in controlling it. It will be amazing how you will feel when you overcome just this one area of challenge. You will not get it right first time but each step you take will gradually build your self-esteem and confidence, truly.
If you listed how tall you are on your negative list, accept that you are as tall as you will be and that will not change and stop dwelling on it. Also if you have listed personal behavioural weaknesses like 'I lack charisma', accept that this is not required for high self-esteem and is probably misunderstood anyway.
Naturally you want what you don't have but what you have is fantastic and there are many people who envy you for that. No one may be perfect but any one is capable of turning every negative into positive. This will help you raise your self-esteem which will surely be reflected outwardly and will have a positive influence on how people regard you. Self-esteem is the greatest gift you can give yourself, who will value you higher than you value yourself. NO ONE!

Some thoughts for a journey to improved confidence and self-esteem:
  • DEFINE YOUR GOAL
Decide what you want, visualise it, write it down and read it often
  • LISTEN AND OBSERVE OTHER PEOPLE
Accurate listening is a skill, you may need to check out what you think you have heard. Always give yourself 'thinking time' before your reply. It's hard to unsay things. Being observant can help you learn so much and enable you to copy especially the words they use.

  • HELP OTHER PEOPLE SPEAK
Deliberately build in pauses, show by body language you want them to speak, use encouragement, ask for opinions. This will give you valuable confidence and enable you to gather your thoughts before speaking.
  • BALANCE THE GIVE AND THE TAKE
Make sure you get you get a fair share and avoid being a victim or being put upon. You deserve a proper slice of the cake.
  • TALK ABOUT FACTS AND FEELINGS
If you only concentrate on facts, you'll be missing the 'human factor'. When you talk openly about your feelings you will find you have a deeper understanding of yourself and others.
  • SAY WHAT YOU MEAN
Be direct but not offensive.
 
  • SAY NO WHEN YOU MEAN NO
Questioning requests positively and be prepared to say "Yes but..." if NO is a difficult word.
  • REMEMBER EYE CONTACT AND GOOD BODY LANGUAGE
There is nothing more likely to earn you respect than looking at people when you are speaking to them. Try it together with using your hands to help describe your words. You will soon overcome any self doubt in conversations.

NEVER JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS but DO EXPLAIN THEM CLEARLY

Derek Butcher. TimeChampions.com
Timechampions promote self help programmes, advice, how to guides and personal support with expert focus on Time Management & Life Achievements

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