Positive Thinking and How to Keep Doing It When Things Aren't Going to Plan

 By Richie Lloyd

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Welcome to the second article in the series about Positive Thinking. The first article gave you a simple skill to practice to improve your Positive Thinking. This article is about how to continue your Positive Thinking when all around you is not quite going to plan.

When everything is going well, anyone can think positively but when things start to go awry, at the very time when you need to be thinking positively your thinking can take a definite turn for the worse.

Remember how the first article gave you the exercise of balancing every single negative thought with a minimum of three positive thoughts? Well how do you manage to keep your Positive Thinking going when your goals and dreams appear to be dashed? How do you refocus on the positives even when they appear harder to find?

There is a technique within Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) called reframing. In base terms this can be viewed within the well known phrase, "What does not kill me makes me stronger". No matter how bad things have become for you, you are still alive and with patience, determination and motivation you can start again. Accept what has gone on, what has happened to you. Learn from the mistakes and start again.

It is not the event that causes the negative thought. You know from article one that you control your thoughts. When you were young and got the present that you always wanted for your birthday or Christmas you would have been filled with elation.

Let's say you got a bicycle for your birthday. You walk into the room and there is a bicycle shaped present all wrapped up in the corner and you start to smile and get excited because you have so wanted a bicycle for so long. You feel happy because you have got what you always wanted and so you have positive thoughts.

There is no direct transference of positive thinking from the bicycle to you. The bicycle is not capable of filling your mind with positive thoughts and smiles and giggles; it is your choice to react that way.

Now imagine walking into the room and seeing a bicycle shaped present all wrapped up in the corner. How do you feel seeing that present, knowing it is your "big" present, when what you actually wanted was a pony?

The lack of a pony does not make you feel sad, angry or frustrated. The bicycle shaped present does not transmit negative thoughts into your brain. You choose to think and feel that way. And once you understand that basic principle you should be able to choose how you think and feel in any other given situation.

Any event, in isolation, does not have any meaning at all until YOU attach an emotion to it. You have the choice to accept that something that you had planned for has not been achieved and you have the choice to think either positively or negatively about that situation.

Tony Robbins gives an excellent example of an immediate reframe. Picture yourself lying asleep in bed in the middle of the night. You wake because you hear your bedroom door opening. The emotions that this event elicits will be very different if you are expecting your partner back from a night out, than if you live on your own and are not expecting anyone to open the door at all!

In modern parlance you will know that politicians are masters of reframing. It does not matter what happens, they have the ability to "spin" the event into a positive event for their party and a negative event for their opponents and that is the basis of lesson two.

What you need to do is practice putting a positive spin on to any event that occurs in your life. For example, a couple of weeks ago my laptop was hacked. It would not allow me to access any programme, online or offline. Yes, it was annoying. Yes, it meant that I could not complete some work that I planned to do. Yes, it was going to cost me money to fix it.

I had the choice to be royally upset and focus on the negatives and I admit that was tempting. However, for every negative thought I have, turning my bucket back to rusty is not an option. How did I put a positive spin on it? Simple, I chose to finish my work day early. It allowed me to spend more time with my partner. I already knew that I needed better online security but had been procrastinating.

I had to do it now that's for sure. I could always catch up on my work later. At this point I have no sensitive material on my laptop but am at the point of adding capture pages to some of my work. Thank goodness that my security was compromised prior to obtaining other people's details! It was much better to add the security now, before I had those details and therefore protect my information in future.

Try a simple exercise now. Picture any event that has happened in your past and caused you to have negative thoughts and put you in a bad mood. Go back to the event and look at how you felt and instead of concentrating on the negative, think of five positives from that event instead.

Have you ever been made redundant or lost your job? The natural thought process would be to worry about your situation. How will you get another job? You have no recent interview practice and it is ages since you wrote a CV. Your cash flow is going to be detrimentally affected for sure and it would be tempting to concentrate on the negatives.

Or, you can put a positive spin on it. You can spend some time with your partner and children and family and friends. You finally have a chance to catch up with all of the chores that you have been neglecting. What about that training course you have always considered, or that hobby that you have always wanted to try. You have a chance to give due consideration to your whole life. You can take stock and perhaps choose a totally different career path. Maybe you can even start working from home for yourself?

Which of those mind sets will produce the better results? The answer should be obvious. Reframing is just a skill that needs mastering. Practice it and refine it and you will get better at it. Don't practice and you will simply ride the peaks and troughs like a yacht in a storm - pretty much like everyone else. Those highs and lows really are your choice to make.

Strangely enough, the most successful proponent of "reframing" was also the most successful person I ever knew. You could tell him that his house had burnt down and he would have an instant reframe. He would probably just say that he had been planning to look for something bigger!

Here is a real life gem from him. On the way to the office one morning in dreadful weather, his car broke down. He called the tow truck and set off walking in the pouring rain, arriving at the office totally soaked to the skin.

The receptionist said, "Dave, what an awful day, you are soaked wet through, how awful?"

Without missing a step he replied, "No Collette, today is a fantastic day. I have had time to clear my thoughts while walking to the office and it has occurred to me how perfect the human body is. Imagine if our noses were the other way round, I could have drowned!" And with his normal beaming smile he set to work

How many other people sitting there, wet through, thinking about a broken down car and the costs involved would have considered that a pretty poor start to the day and allowed a bad attitude to affect the rest of the day?

Extreme example for sure. Extreme reframing for sure. Extremely successful man for sure.

Start practicing this habit now. Anytime something goes wrong, or doesn't quite go to plan, turn the negative into a positive and keep shining your bucket. If you can get the skill perfected now, then when something really bad happens you won't immediately fall back into the bad habit of negative thinking just when you most need to remain a great exponent of positive thinking.

Richie Lloyd
http://www.richielloyd.com
Experienced corporate business and marketing manager, Certified Practitioner of NLP, hypnotherapy and timeline therapy, Mentor, teacher and student in the field of internet marketing.
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Reasons To Keep Cool Under Pressure

 By Carol Simes

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Everyday life can be going along smoothly, and without warning something will occur that could cause a person to lose their temper. However, keeping cool under pressure can have some rewards that pay off in greater understanding of yourself and others. Let's take a look at some situations where it might be difficult to stay calm.

Children may play in the house, but as a general rule it is better for them to be outside where no damage can happen to the furniture and accessories. A ball and bat can provide hours of fun, but a wild ball can go through the plate glass window. Now there is an unexpected expense, and wasted electricity to keep the house at a preset temperature. It could be very easy to lose your temper.

Most families need all of the adults employed so that the household income is sufficient to enjoy a few things in life. Since everyone is away at work everyday there is no one there to oversee the family pets. It can be very stressful to come home and find all of your good clothing scattered throughout the house, and a perfect example of a moment when most people would lose their cool.

Landscaping can make a home look more attractive, and sometimes the neighbors are helping to provide accents which serve multiple purposes. One of your favorite things to do after work, or on a weekend, was to sit under the shade of their trees to relax and unwind. Upon arriving at home one day, you find all of those trees have been cut down. The dismay can escalate into fury.

There are times when a person awakes to prepare for work, and it takes all the energy they have to drag themselves out of bed. They go through the routine of getting bathed and dressed, gulp down some breakfast, and head out the door to another day. Upon nearing the car they look down and see that the rear tire is as flat as it can be. The unsettling decision is now between getting all sweaty, or calling a tow truck, and trying to keep their cool.

A nice place to get away and reflect on family situations can be in a wooden shed that is wired with electricity. Here a person can be all alone, but still on hand for anything concerning the home. Most of these buildings have at least a couple of windows, and a perfect place to install one of the air conditioning units that could help a person keep cool while doing a hobby.

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Communicate the Force Behind Your Goals

 By Henry Okwo

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An essential part of life should be achieving one's goals. There's a reason most self-help sources encourage you to write your goals down. The process of writing out and plotting a course of action stimulates the brain. It's important to note your exact feelings as you make your plan, remind yourself exactly why you are doing it. It's fair to say that many may write down their goals, but they don't necessarily communicate internally the importance of making those goals. One must ask questions such as why is making this goal important. How will it change my life?

Communicating your feelings on paper will help you later in the journey should things become tough. Sometimes when things don't turn out as planned, one can easily toss aside some written goals. Circumstances change, new feelings come along or perhaps even loftier goals surpass previously set ones. Communicating your feelings on paper will force you to assess how you felt when you set out on your goal. You can compare your current feelings with how you initially felt when you first started. Mental toughness can be the difference between those who achieve their goals and those who don't.

We have to imagine that many people are born with incredible talent. However in a world where you are not alone in that aspect, it's going to take a little more to get to where you want to be. It's obvious if you notice around you, talented people are everywhere, the motivation and drive to succeed is what really counts. So take into consideration whenever you write down your larger goals, to also communicate your deepest thoughts and feelings. There's probably no need to write them down for the smaller goals. However make sure to reward yourself along the way as you hit your milestones.

It's a great idea to break down large vision goals into measurable milestones. This will help keep you on track. Breaking down your big vision in measurable parts puts the brain in overdrive. The process of actually finding steps to make your larger goals a reality is crucial. It sets the goal apart from just being a pie in the sky dream. If your mind can figure out a path to reach your big vision dreams, then half the work is already done already. The rest is up to you. The mind can take you where you want to go. Look around you at all the many inventions and things that make your life easier. It all started out as a dream in someone's head, someone with the passion and motivation to succeed no matter the obstacles. Whether you are next, remains to be seen. Best of luck.

Learn more about Self-improvement, Henry Okwo is serial entrepreneur and will help you get started on your Personal Development to help you reach your goals.

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Be Proud Of Your Best Effort

By Richard Brody

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We have all come into contact with many people who concern themselves more with "just getting by with a minimal effort," than with doing the best that they can. Those people are depriving both themselves and others who may depend on them with the opportunity or possibility of a stellar performance. For example, in school, certain students aim to just pass and are satisfied, where others try their best, and still others are only satisfied when they can master the subject matter.

Depending upon how these attitudes impact one's overall persona is often the difference in the future between being able to take pride in one's work, or just letting the chips fall where they may. After more than three decades of developing leaders and working in the self help and development areas, I truly believe that the happiest people are those that can really be satisfied that they have honestly given their best efforts.

1. Those that simply want to get by are generally marginal in most of their efforts and results. Even the greatest athlete must practice extensively if he wants to be a consistent winner! The habits one develops as a student offer remain for life, and so these people often develop an attitude of self- defeatism, not really concerned with their personal best, but expending most of their energy to finding ways of "passing the buck" and getting others to do the work. When these people, for example, ascend to positions of leadership, they are invariably the ones that over- expect what others, including paid staff will do, and over- emphasize delegation of duties, while almost never qualifying and/ or training and developing the individuals before delegating the duties. In the vast majority of cases, those unqualified "delegatees" are doomed to failure, because they are being assigned duties or tasks that they are not prepared for.

2. There is also sometimes the "danger" that an individual becomes too self- critical, and expects more from himself that may be generally possible. The ideal situation is when a trained and qualified person diligently spends his time committed to doing the best he can possibly do, and realizes that he did all he could do, regardless of whether he accomplished all of his "lofty" goals. People must realize that while goals should be "lofty" so as to have something to strive for, an individual should be satisfied if he knows that he indeed did the best that he could.

3. The person committed to doing his best takes seriously all the necessary training, learning and skill development that will permit him to do the best he can. This person is self- confident without being arrogant, people oriented, sincere, has the utmost integrity at all times, and commits himself to all tasks he endeavors to take on. Optimally, he expects and will accept only his personal best, and while hoping that others will follow his example, realizes that one can truly only be responsible for his own actions.

The most important thing is that if someone knows he has done his best, he feel good about that and be proud of it. Reality is that most others will never appreciate fully all your efforts or skills, but the most important person, and really the only one one should try to please, is himself.

Richard Brody has over 30 years consultative sales, marketing, training, managerial, and operations experience. He has trained sales and marketing people in numerous industries, given hundreds of seminars, appeared as a company spokesperson on over 200 radio and television programs, and regularly blogs on real estate, politics, economics, management, leadership, negotiations, conferences and conventions, etc. Richard has negotiated, arranged and/ or organized hundreds of conferences and conventions. Richard is a Senior Consultant with RGB Consultation Services, an Ecobroker, a Licensed Buyers Agent (LBA) and Licensed Salesperson in NYS, in real estate. Richard Brody has owned businesses, been a Chief Operating Officer, a Chief Executive Officer, and a Director of Development, as well as a consultant. Richard has a Consulting Website ( http://tinyurl.com/rgbcons ); a blog ( http://tinyurl.com/rgbstake ); and can be followed on Twitter.

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How to Visualize Your Way to Success

By Rhonda D. Jones

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Much like a car, our brains are hot-wired to perform in a specific way. When learning a new skill, like playing an instrument, at first it may feel awkward strumming the strings or playing the notes, but as we continue to play, our brain actually forms dendrites or pathways that create memory. Therefore, the more we practice a skill, the easier it gets. After a while it becomes second nature, we don't even have to think much about it.

When learning a new skill or positive habit this often works to our advantage as new tasks will become easier and easier. However, we can also learn destructive or unhealthy habits that can work against us as well, especially when it comes to unlearning them. Just like our brains memorize our repetitive positive actions; it also memorizes our negative ones, making it even more difficult to change. These bad behaviors are engrained into our brains or sub-consciousness and we often do them automatically and without much thought until after the fact. That's when we become discouraged or disgusted with ourselves and ask, "Why do I keep doing the same thing, even though I make a conscious effort not to?"

One way to counteract or change negative behaviors or habits is to visualize yourself acting opposite or how you usually react or by creating a new ending to your common, reoccurring behaviors. Let's use food as an example. You may have a habit of eating poorly around 3 p.m. everyday. You are well aware of this and every morning you declare that today will be different. You will resist the urge to snack at 3 p.m.

Well 3 p.m. rolls around and the sensation to eat something overtakes you and the temptation is just too hard to resist. Or maybe you eat great when at home because you don't buy junk food, but have a hard time passing up the donuts in the staff lounge or at friend's home. The time to control this behavior is not when you are confronted with the food, but before the temptation arises. Here's how:

For the next several weeks and at least twice a day, visualize yourself saying no or resisting when tempted to eat poorly and then see yourself elated about not giving in. Scientists say that the brain doesn't distinguish imagination or visualization from reality. It's just like thinking about a lemon can make your mouth water or thinking about a gruesome crime can make you nauseated. So every time you say no to temptation, even in your imagination, you're building new memorizes or dendrites to support your new behavior.

When it comes to bad habits, there are often triggers that bring out the worst in us or our deep seated insecurities. It's helpful also if you can identify the triggers, which will enable you to act instead of react when they arise. For example, everyday at 3 p.m. you may feel a sensation of boredom and melancholy and seek out food for comfort. By knowing your trigger, you can use it as a part of your visualization to overcome specific behaviors.

Again, use your mind, imagination, and visualization to create new endings to your bad habits. Using the above example, during your 3-5 minute visualization, see yourself being overtaken with boredom and the desire to eat for comfort, and then imagine the inner turmoil you may feel. Next imagine yourself saying no to the temptation or talking to yourself, encouraging you not to give in. After that, imagine yourself replacing the bad habit with something positive like taking a walk around the block or drinking a tall glass of water. Do this several times a day for the next few weeks to give your brain time to memorize your new behavior. You will find that the visualization will transfer to your actual reality, meaning, when you begin to feel compelled to grab a treat, your brain may reach for the water or suggest taking a walk instead. You can use visualization to curb many types of automatic responses or emotional addictions like shyness, overworking, overcoming anger, and more.

I have outlined the steps below:

1. Identify the behavior you want to change.

2. Identify any triggers that usually happen that prompt the above behavior.

3. For 3-5 minutes begin the visualization by imagining the behavior, trigger, and the inner conflict that arises within you.

4. Visualize choosing a different response than normal or the complete opposite.

5. In your imagination follow through with the new response or behavior.

6. Imagine how good it feels to be successful. See others congratulating you.

7. Repeat often.

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3 Reasons Why Teens Hide Their Emotional Problems

 By Kevin Doherty

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They say that teenage years are the most exciting yet the most critical part of anybody's life. In these years, we experience a lot of changes and we often struggle facing those. In fact, many teenagers reach "the rebellious stage" where they somewhat refuse to obedience, making them act like they are disrespectful. This is because teenagers are highly emotional. They take things too seriously and for instances that made them feel down and depressed, they eventually suffer from emotional pain.

Emotional pain becomes severe whenever a person hides it. And teenagers are in the most cases. The question is why do teens hide their emotional problems? There are three major reasons about that.

1. Distrust of people

The first one is because they do not trust anyone. And because they trust no one, they are not able to express their selves and share their emotional thoughts. This makes them hide all their emotional problems within themselves. They may have peers but they find no one of them worthy to trust in.

2. Pretending

The second one is that they are shy to show what they really feel. They are afraid to cry for they think that it is a sign of weakness. They would prefer pretending their happy and strong rather than letting other people see them like little weaklings. That's a big no- no for teenagers. But it is understandable that they just find it hard to adjust with the sudden changes of their emotions as well as their mentality. The worse is that if they brought that kind of attitude as they go to their adulthood.

3. Childhood traumas

The third one is because they are maybe linked to their childhood traumas. The pain they suffered from remained inside them as they grow up. When they reach adolescence or the teenage stage, they find it hard to adapt with the environment. This is the reason why they hide their emotional dilemmas.

Hiding your emotional pain and even problems can cause you too much, even your life. There are cases of suicides and physical injuries from people who severely suffered from emotional pain. It is important to prevent these from happening. Parents and elders should deeply understand how teenagers act with their problems. They should be guided and helped how to deal and cope with those problems so that they will learn not to hide their emotional pain.

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The Three Aspects to Confidence

 By Elizabeth Agnew

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What makes someone confident? What do you see in someone when they seem confident? We all want confidence, but until we can articulate what it means to us, there's no path to getting it. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Your degree of confidence is within your control. Ultimately, confidence is the feeling that we believe in ourselves enough to be authentic.

There are three aspects to confidence that create a cycle towards building more of it. Responsibility is about trusting ourselves to handle any situation we come across. Authenticity is about knowing who we are and being willing to operate in accordance with that. Consciousness is how we become more of who we are.

    Responsibility: Responsibility, in this context, is self-trust. This is "the trait of being answerable to someone for something." In this case, I am talking about being answerable to yourself. Do you see yourself as being able to respond in any situation? No matter how scary, embarrassing, or difficult a situation in which you may find yourself, can you see yourself as capable of making it through? You can increase your sense of responsibility by improving your relationship to yourself. This is the relationship upon which all others are founded. How much time do you spend honoring yourself? Enjoying yourself? Applauding, validating, and giving feedback to yourself? Start to think of your relationship with yourself as the most important relationship you can foster. When you trust yourself to respond, you're more likely to actually respond as you said or thought you would. Then, others trust you more, and you trust in yourself more as a result. The next time around, you'll trust yourself even more, and the cycle continues to deepen and deepen.

    Authenticity: Authenticity is about embracing who you already know you are. It builds on the sense that you trust yourself to respond, and informs how you respond. The words authenticity and author have the same root. You are in the driver's seat, writing the script. You are the authority over yourself. When you abdicate your authority to someone else (your employer, spouse, spiritual community, etc.) you give up the authorship on your life. Increase your ability to be authentic by noticing your own symptoms of in-authenticity. When are you not being yourself, and how do you know? What are the circumstances that create this? When you can identify how you tend to get to an inauthentic place, then you'll know how to prevent it in the future.

    Consciousness: Consciousness is about becoming more of who you are. Become aware of why you operate the way that you do so that you can become a better (more whole) version of yourself. If you stop to think about the people in your life whom you deeply admire, what is it about them that appeals to you? The qualities you describe are actually parts of yourself that you see in them. Think about it - if we took that same person and asked someone else they know to describe them, chances are their list would be different from yours. You are seeing parts of yourself in this person. Now, maybe you didn't know that this quality about someone else that moved you was a part of yourself. When I first tried this exercise, I described my sister as "charming". When my coach told me that I was also charming, I wrinkled up my nose and dismissively said, "I am nowhere near as charming as her!" The things you see in others which deeply affect you (positive or negative) are parts of your unconscious self that we project onto those other people. By reclaiming these qualities as parts of who you are, you raise your consciousness. Using the world as a mirror like this is a difficult and rewarding way to live. You deepen your relationship with yourself by being open to learning more about who you are.

"As you become more clear about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around." Oprah articulates here the benefit of being responsible, authentic, and conscious: more of your choices and actions will align with who you are, resulting in a more confident human experience.

Liz works with individuals and organizations in technical fields needing tailored leadership development that speaks their language. Liz has logged hundreds of hours coaching individuals from companies such as Jet Propulsion Laboratories, Google, HP, SETI, Lockheed Martin, VNUS and Sun Microsystems. Her background includes experience in adult education, team facilitation, and public speaking. She offers complimentary coaching consultations - call or email today to schedule yours.

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Stay Motivated to Reach Your Goals

By Henry Okwo

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Many would agree that a body in motion tends to stay in motion; however, there are times even the most motivated among us need a jolt or two to get us back at full force. When we launch ourselves full speed into a task, at the beginning motivation comes easy, but gradually you may ease your foot off the pedal for whatever reason. Perhaps you've encountered a few challenges or tried to do too much too quickly. Whatever the reason, remind yourself nobody ever said it was going to be easy; the road to success is sometimes paved in obstacles. The key is maintaining the drive to navigate through challenges and learning to sometimes stop to fill up the tank.

Writing your plan down in a place where you can reach it easily is a must. Also write down whatever feelings you hope to have when you achieve your goals. Visualize it, let your mind take and frame that picture. There's no telling how long your journey to success might take; however, you can control the amount of energy and drive you put in. Never lose focus of the end goal, and don't be afraid to go backwards to drive forward. It's a journey, have some fun along the way! Don't punish yourself or deny yourself too many pleasures that can serve to keep you motivated. Ensure that you are getting enough sleep as well as exercise and proper nutrition.

Surround yourself with those that can encourage and inspire you. Negative energy can de-motivate and take valuable life out of you. Refer to books of those who inspire you the most or perhaps watch a movie that always lifts up your spirits. Understand that motivation is a force within itself, imagine athletes that may have to go through the same routine game in game out, but still have to give it all the energy they have.

I know some are paid millions to stay motivated, but there are many athletes that play for free; motivation simply serves as their fuel. Reach out and ask for help when you need it; everybody could use a little push now and then. Sometimes it helps to tell your friends what your goals are; let them celebrate some milestones with you. Accomplishing steps that lets your mind know that it's moving in the right direction will bring renewed vigor and enthusiasm. You may even discover that you have much more in the tank than you ever thought possible.

Learn more about self-improvement and starting a Daily Mental Workout, Henry Okwo is serial entrepreneur and will help you get started on your Personal Development to help you reach your goals.

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7 Tips To Overcome Failure

By Irabor Akimien Mark

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Many people are afraid of not achieving things and goals they had set for themselves, and when they do not achieve them their fear comes to surface and they lose faith in their ability. If you view failure as a disease, it will corrupt your mind and will not let you achieve what you had set out to achieve.

Over time, successful people have realized that failures are not bad and are necessary to achieve better things in life and more importantly to enjoy the taste of success. Here are tips to help you view failure form a new perspective.

1. Failure will only help you identify your weak points. If you went for an examination and failed does not make you a failure but instead will help you identify your area of weakness of course, you might feel bad when you did not achieve your goals, but that is not enough to make you lose hope. Losing hope will never help you to achieving your goals. The only way to achieving them is to surpass your weakness and work towards your goals. To do that, you must understand your failure, embrace them instead of running away from them.

2. When you are afraid of your failures, you will lose sight of what you actually wanted to achieve. When you run away from problem instead of solving it, it will continue to pursue you.

3. Some people are so afraid of failing that they are concerned about removing their competitors from the race instead of aiming for a healthy competition. This is the bane of our society today.

4. When we fail, we learn a new way not to fail again. When you go for an interview and failed, you learn what you have not done, what you have done that you should not have done, how you answered that question. All these will help you in your next interview.

5. Failure may look bad for a short term, but it will tell you what you are not good at. Just because you are not good at one thing does not necessarily mean you are not good at all. It tells you also what you are good at. You must work your way towards that other thing.

6. You will not be able to achieve anything if you kept on thinking about your failure. We feel helpless when we fail to achieve something. We must learn to control that feeling because feeling helpless will only make us weaker. You will not work properly towards your goals if you continue to fear about failure. You will not be able to use your skills and mind properly and this will ultimately lead to your failure. So if you kept on thinking about your failure, you will end up failing.

7. If you accept your failure and welcome it, it will no longer remain a failure, it will only serve as a gateway to greater achievements.

As long as you have not given up, you are not a failure. Never run away from problem, face it and solve it.

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