Why Do I Suffer So Much by the Behaviors of Others?

 By Scott Farmer 

Photo: static.guim.co.uk
 
Carl Yung, one of the pioneers of psychoanalytical therapy, stated "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." How we react to an external person or situation is based on a word called transference. Transference is a natural process of how we all make sense of our world. We are constantly sensing and judging our environment based on all our previous experiences.
Even before we are born, our brain is already making distinctions of external cues, laying the foundations of what is considered safe and what in not. Once we are born, we are exposed to many experiences that our brain interprets and stores in memory. The amount of variation in experiences is virtually infinite; however, too simplify we can look at some basic differences that all humans encounter. Dr. Pamela Hays using the ADDRESSING model to help describe cultural influences as a multidimensional combination of Age, Developmental and acquired Disabilities, Religion, Ethnicity, Socioeconomic status, Sexual orientation, Indigenous heritage, National origin, and Gender.
When we react very positively to another person or situation or react very negatively, the reason has nothing to do with the object or situation outside of us and everything to do with what is going on inside of us. In the United States, our general cultural belief is a need to make sense out of everything we encounter as soon as possible - this makes us feel safe. Moreover, whether we have all the information or very little, most of us will come to a definite conclusion. Unfortunately, when little information is known we have an almost instinctive response to fill in the missing information with our transference. In essence, we complete someone's or something's story based on our experiences. The use of past experiences to explain current situations is the most basic definition of transference.
Much of the time we focus our attention on negative transference, "I am pissed off because my boss talks to me like I am his/her teenage child!" However, transference can be completely positive, "Wow I find that man/woman extremely sexy." When working with my clients, having them recognize the source of his or her reactions is difficult. I explain that this journey of discovery is not meant to condemn or codon others behavior. Simply, understanding why he or she is reacting to the external person or event can cause dramatic shifts in brain functioning and relief from suffering. For example, if a client is in an anxious or depressed state because of the way his or her boss is talking to them, we can begin to look at what it mean to the client if in fact the boss is being an asshole.
I will often ask "if your boss is talking to you this way, then what does that mean to you?" More times than not the client will respond by saying, "it means my boss has no respect for me and that pisses me off!" When looking deeper I will ask "if your boss has no respect for you, then what would that mean?" This goes on for a few moments, while the client really processes what it means to them to not have the respect of his or her boss. At some point, everyone comes to the conclusion that others treating them poorly led to a triggered response that indicates his or her self-worth is being challenged. "If he does not respect me, then he must not think I am worth anything... it means that maybe I am not worthy of respect... or he thinks I am lazy... I am not smart enough... I am not good enough... or I have to have everyone respect and appreciation for me to be OK with myself."
Most of us have come to rely heavily on the opinions of others to support our self-esteem. I often ask clients to respond to the following question. "When I am at peace, I thing... I feel... and I want? After years of asking this question the most commonly report answers are "When I am at peace I think clearly, I feel content, and I want nothing." Explaining the "why" of other's behavior and language is impossible, because of the multiple influences of the ADDRESSING model, I encourage my clients to rely on the simple three questions to discover the one simple answer. If we can safely assume that a person at peace is a clear thinker, feels content, and wants nothing, then a person that is negative, aggressive, mean, rude, crude, obnoxious, is most liking "suffering" and not at peace.
By understanding our own transference we can quickly see how others are doing the same thing. Soon the need to react or defend ourselves can be replaced with empathy, compassion, and curiosity to what is going on with the other person (the nasty boss... who is obviously suffering on some level).
To your mental health my friends!
Peace

Scott is a mental health practitioner in Central Minnesota working with clients in the areas of depression, anxiety, panic, OCD, PSTD, sexual health and relationships, health and sport Psychology, weight loss, chronic disease management, and runs support groups for sexual health, trauma, depression, and anxiety.
Scott Farmer MA, MS, CSCS, CES
Mental Health Practitioner CT
Exercise Physiologist
http://www.elementmentalhealth.vpweb.com
sfarmer@elementmentalhealth.vpweb.com
320.257.6020

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3 Secret Cues to Feel Peaceful Inside

By Kevin Schoeninger  

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In this article I'll show you three secrets to relaxing deeply. I say "secret" because you can use these simple techniques to feel peaceful inside without anyone else knowing what you're up to. These inner cues are also secret because they seem to have been lost in our culture. We are so caught up in the momentum of outer busyness that we've lost our natural ability to find inner calm. So, in this article, let's explore how you can regain your peaceful center no matter what is going on around you.
You're not alone if you have more to do than you have hours in the day. There are just so many demands on our energy and attention these days. If you're constantly busy, overwhelmed by digital stimulation, and stressed out by the pressure to keep up, welcome to the high-speed information age.
Today, we interact more in virtual reality and less in-person. We are constantly bombarded with visual and auditory information and advertising. It's a huge challenge to monitor all our digital devices, stay on top of our TO DO Lists, and have any semblance of sanity when it's all said and done-and it's never all said and done.
Because of all this mental input, we are less in touch with our bodies, feelings, and inner sensations. We also have less down-time, less personal space, and less access to quiet places. It's no wonder that chronic stress is our number one health concern. We have lost our balance and our ability to relax deeply.
Yet, there's hope. What if, in the midst of all this, you could find an oasis of inner calm? What if you could relax right here, right now, inside your own body? What if it was just a matter of following some simple inner prompts? Our body and brain have a natural relaxation response that you can learn to activate at will, anytime, anywhere.
Let's explore three inner cues that free you from being caught up in the frenzy and connect you to a deeper peace that is always available when you know how to find it. You can remember them by 3S's:
1. Space
2. Stillness
3. Silence
If you awaken these three inner sensations in your body, you'll have three reliable cues that can take you to a place of deep relaxation no matter what is happening. Not only will these help you instantly feel better, they will even help you be more productive and efficient, while enjoying what you're doing more.
So how can you experience inner space, stillness, and silence? I can show you how to do this very simply in your own body. If you'll practice these simple suggestions right now, as I describe them to you, they will become more than just new bits of information in your brain. You'll have a real, felt experience of what I'm talking about.
Let's begin with inner space. You can practice this now by becoming aware of the feeling of the soles of your feet on the ground... Go ahead and try that. Feel the soles of your feet on the ground... Then shift your attention to feeling the palms of your hands... And then shift to feeling the top of your head...
Finally, see if it's possible to feel your body as a whole from the inside. Can you feel the entire space inside your skin?...
Take a few, slow, deep breaths. Imagine and feel as if your whole body fills up as you inhale and your whole body empties out as you exhale. Take a few, slow, deep breaths in this way...
Now, do you have a feeling of your inner space, the space inside your skin?
Second, let's focus on the feeling of stillness. Be as still as you can be and feel your whole inner space-perfectly still. Stay with that stillness feeling for a few moments...
Third, imagine that you are listening to a silence underneath all sounds. Imagine that there's silence broadcasting deep inside your body and you are tuning into it. I suggest you don't try to figure this out, just see if you can sense it. You may find that your mind gets real quiet for a moment as you do this. Listen to the silence underneath all sounds...
So, do you feel a little calmer? Do you feel a bit more peaceful and relaxed than before this little practice? Can you imagine how your life might be different if you make it a habit to take short breaks to practice these three cues throughout the day?
At first, these three cues may seem a bit "out there." You may or may not get onto them fully right away. That's O.K. and quite normal. We have allowed some of our inner senses to atrophy in our hyper-active culture.
If you can take even a few moments to feel your feet on the ground and take a few, slow, deep breaths, that's a move in the right direction. The more you take these "little breathers" or "mini-meditations," the more moments of peace you'll bring into your life. Soon deep relaxation will become a reliable background experience that you can go to whenever you need.
To learn more about "inner body sensing" and "short meditations" to help you feel instantly peaceful, check out the Resource Box below.

Are you ready to de-stress, quiet your mind, and relax deeply? Discover how to take your stress management to the next level. For tips and techniques to reduce stress be sure to visit us here.
Kevin Schoeninger graduated from Villanova University in 1986 with a Master's Degree in Philosophy. He is certified as a Life Coach, Reiki Master Teacher, Qigong Meditation Instructor, and Personal Fitness Trainer.

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How To Develop A Positive Attitude To Life

By Mededode Medese Assogba

Photo: healthylifestyleplus.com

When we cry
We wear ourselves out, we feel pain and depression, we think life is unjust and does not make sense, let us know that no matter how long we cry, our tears would not be enough to drown our problems or make them flow away. Let us wipe our tears to see clearly the solution coming our way, weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.

When we laugh
We are happy and we want the feeling to last longer. Let us enjoy the moment while it lasts because life is not a bed of roses.

When we fall
It is not the end of the world, we shouldn't give up on ourselves or remain in the dust; we should get up and forge ahead because the road to the top is never smooth.

When we rise
Let us see it as an opportunity to lift others up and not trample upon them because nobody knows tomorrow.

When we lose
It doesn't make us losers in life, though defeat is bitter, we don't have to fight; there will always be another time to prove ourselves.

When we win
Let us celebrate because victory is sweet but we should remember we won because someone better than us wasn't there.

When we fail
It does not make us failures, let us learn from our mistakes and move on. There is no successful person that has never failed in one way or the other.

When we succeed
Let us rejoice; we shouldn't think we have arrived because success is a journey and not a destination, we should keep breaking our own record.

When we climb
Let us do it with caution because the higher we go, the more dangerous it is to fall; the more challenges we face.

When we lead
Let us know that we must serve and not abuse the power vested on us and take advantage of others.

When we give
Let us do it with all humility and cheerfulness because the more we give, the more we receive.

When we pray
Let us believe that we will receive answers, without double-mindedness, let us keep our faith strong.

When we love
Let it be real and unconditional; let us love with all sincerity.

When we work
Let us do it with all diligence and without coercion.

When we err
Let us accept it, beg for forgiveness, learn from it and never repeat it.

When we live
Let us live a purposeful life, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Let us know that it is for a short time.

When we die
It is all over, the kind of life we live is what speaks for us when we are gone.

http://medassextra.blogspot.com

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How to Set and Accomplish Your Goals Quickly

By Anne Del Rio  

Photo: beliefnet.com
 
You should set goals at a certain point in your life. It is not difficult to identify your personal targets. The harder part is achieving these objectives quickly. You need to plan carefully and work hard. If you fail to do these, there is very little chance for you to prosper. Unless these aspirations are carefully laid out, your progress will be slow. Fortunately, there are ways to attain these goals.

• You need to be definite. In other words, chart your course! You must know the things that you want to get done. Do not be unclear with your motives. If your objective is to become a singer, then strive hard to be one.


• The goals that you fix should not be complicated. You can easily arrive at your targets if these are simple enough to comprehend. These should also be important. You will certainly be hard-pressed to generate the passion and guts to succeed if you hardly care about it. You can only get hold of something if you genuinely want that object. More importantly, that thing must be able to transform your present condition, improve your wellbeing, add to your prosperity and give you fulfillment.


• Maintain a strategic stance. This means that you should formulate your goals so these will influence positively the different aspects of your life. As a result, you will have plenty of reasons to attain your ambitions.


• All your goals should be quantifiable or else all these will simply remain as impossible dreams. It is necessary to delineate your objectives according to dollars, pounds, seconds, inches or volume. Keep in mind that if you gauge your progress on a regular basis, it is highly possible to realize your preferred result.


• Be reasonable at all times. Everything begins with a doable plan followed by a clear direction. Then, you will need a vehicle to travel across the path full of obstacles. It is necessary to hurdle the obstructions before you get to your destination. Likewise, your aspirations must have meaning. These should generate a feeling of enthusiasm and get the full support of family members and colleagues. Your goals may be difficult to reach but not out of your sight. Again, there is no sense in running after illogical desires.


• Your goals should be concrete and not intangible. These should stir up your senses. Go for targets that you can perceive, listen to, smell and lay a hand on. Aside from this, select targets that you can take pleasure in and envision clearly. Make mental notes of your goals so you will remember these objectives every single day. If possible, write these aims on a piece of paper because this will enhance your chances of accomplishment.


• Try to share your goals with people who love and support you. You will surely earn the backing of these people. These loved ones and friends will act as your support team and fans who will help you reach the finish line of success.

The goals that you have created must remain in harmony with your values. Otherwise, the conflict will serve as a stumbling block. Clarify your values and you will be assured of accomplishing these goals.

If you want tips on goal setting, click on the link. Or visit http://www.dynamicproductivityhq.com/blog/ for more information.

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How Can We Change the Way We Think We Are?

By Mona Aeysha  

Photo: dsm.com
 
Beliefs or thinking styles are not very much different from each other. We, as human beings are usually product of beliefs we hold about our selves, about the world, about every thing we are exposed to since our childhood from a single gesture of our mothers to a vast variety of cultural phenomenon.
Many beliefs come into the category of relative phenomenon. We, as adults and intelligent human beings would never admit that we were wrong in analyzing something or we are wrong in our understanding of ourselves. We often make mistakes and to preserve our self esteem, would blame others. It is our evolutionary trait to survive with self -esteem and dignity whether we deserve it or not.
For our achievements, traits, and positive strengths, we justify to get a high self esteem record. But for our limitations, poor points, weaknesses, we are very much confused between low self esteem and false miss perceptions.
The question arises here:
a. Should we change our thinking style or change our weaknesses?
b. Would we be able to change our beliefs without destroying our identity?
c. How can we change our thinking style/belief having same weaknesses and strengths?
d. What benefit we will get out of this long procedure of change?
Concept building is a continuous process and no boy can interfere in it. But we can definitely modify the loop holes in it. If we think we need some advice, then we can try to edit our building block of concepts. We can insert some new blocks of concept into our old tower of conceptual blocks. We can remove some old bricks and instead put some new bricks of concepts into it. In this way we can find a solution towards our problems. We need to work on our conceptual frame, if we want to change our thinking style to feel good simply.
But sometimes we need to have some behavioral changes as well as environmental changes to be honest. Our limitations are basically our weaknesses-that need to be addressed critically and must be resolved practically. Only thinking style change phenomenon will not solve the problem.
Thirdly, how can we change our belief system? The answer is still very complicated. At first we need to examine the root cause of the problem. Then we will be able to get advice from someone or from ourselves. So to investigate our possible causes to our problems is a great job and only a few psychologists could do it in one or two sessions.
Lastly, why we go for it? we need to solve our psychological problems as well as physical problems. For the physical solutions, we are dependent on our physical resources. For the psychological problems, we need to find out the real therapy to make us happy and tension free.
In short, I am talking about therapy through conceptual change, that is a bit new but quite effective. My services are there, if anyone of you need my guidance.
Thanks
Dr Mona

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The Social Brains Of Teenagers

By Dawn Redd  

Photo: coachdawnwrites.com
 
Most people who read my articles are in the business of working with folks in some stage of adolescence. You may work with young people who are just entering their teenage years or you may be like me, working with young people trying to navigate the time between adolescence and adulthood.
In a great TEDtalk called, The Mysterious Workings of the Adolescent Brain, Sarah-Jayne Blakemore talks about her research on teenagers. The video is about fourteen minutes long and very interesting. One of the more fascinating statements she made was that adults and adolescents use a different cognitive strategy to make social decisions. What does that mean? It means the perception, social cues, reasoning, and judgment skills that adults use are totally different than what a teenager would use. So maybe Mars and Venus aren't just the homes of men and women, but also adults and teenagers.
How can coaches use this information with our players?

• Be patient and teach. As Blakemore says, the ability to take someone else's perspective into account in order to guide behavior is still developing in adolescents. So we've got to be patient with our players and challenge them to try and see things from a different perspective. We can do that through personality assessments where they see the good (and the bad) of their personality type. We can also do that through leadership meetings with our captains. According to this video, we can't assume that they'll see the light on their own.


• Understand that teenagers are supposed to be different. The things that may frustrate you about your players may be the things that are inherent to adolescence. They've got poor impulse control, they're moody, they're very self-conscious, and they take risks. Sounds like fun, huh? But what if we used their teenager-ness to our benefit? Blakemore says teens are more likely to take risks when they're with friends. How about creating a team of young people who relish being brave and having the courage to take risks in game situations? While coaches may have to navigate the moody waters of teenagers, there can be benefits to their behavior if we're willing to see them.


• See it as an opportunity. In the beginning of the video, Blakemore tells us that the adolescent brain is still developing. So we've got a great opportunity to teach them not only sport skills, but life skills as well. We also have a great chance to development them as competitors... to develop their norms as an athlete.

Check out the video, I thought it was great. And then use some of this stuff with your team... it's really good!

Dawn Redd is the Head Volleyball Coach at Beloit College. Come visit Coach Dawn's community of coaching nerds and team leaders over at her blog, http://www.coachdawnwrites.com, where she teaches how to become an excellent coach, motivate individuals, and build successful teams.
Her book, Coach Dawn's Guide To Motivating Female Athletes, is available for purchase on her website.
Follow Coach Dawn on Twitter: @CoachDawnWrites

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Self-Doubt, It's a Woman Thing

By Julie Anne Johnson  

Photo: bigpictureconnection.com
 
It's true. Although I've worked with lots of men as well as women over the years and although everyone suffers from self-doubt to some degree, it's definitely women who 'take the biscuit' (come out on top) when it comes to worrying about whether you're doing the right thing, whether you really can do it, and what others will think of you if and when you do 'do your thing'!
And I want to say loud and clear girls - IT'S TIME TO STOP!!
Because doubting yourself and worrying is not helping you, it's not helpful to others and it certainly doesn't allow you to be the change agent and role model I know you want to be!
And, it's taking up your precious time!
Think about it for a moment - about how this type of thinking is affecting you:

• It's making you feel bad
• You procrastinate or defer making a decision, which makes you feel bad!
• You talk about 'not being certain' about 'not wanting to do the wrong thing' about 'wanting to get it right' and this makes you feel bad!
• You're hesitant and half-hearted when you do take action, and guess what? You don't feel great!

How much of your life do you really want to be feeling like this?
And what about the effect on other people?
Well, in business people like certainty. Do you portray certainty when you're dithering and doubting?
People like confidence. Do you appear confident when you're worried about getting it right?
People like competence i.e. people who can do what they say they can. You usually only get to demonstrate this by first confidently expressing your knowledge and skills and how your product or service will deliver the required business or personal results.
So, what can you do when you know that what you're currently doing is not getting you the results you want? When it's affecting the way you feel on a daily basis?
You can go easy on yourself.
You can recognise that your thoughts affect the words you say, both to yourself and to others. Your thoughts and the language you use affect how you feel, and all of these affect your behaviour and actions. And of course how you behave and the actions you take dictate the results you get!
So start to become aware of what you're thinking, how you're feeling, and the words and phrases you use. (Ask your loved ones or work colleagues for feedback and help if you find this difficult at first.) Pay attention to how you feel when you're doing things in your business; notice when you're procrastinating and explore what's going on in your head and in your body at that point - listen to yourself - mind, body and soul!
When you become vigilant, and when you can do this with a sense of curiosity rather than judgement, that's when you can start to eliminate your self-doubt. Becoming our own best friend really is the answer for us women.
So, go easy on yourself - don't criticise and judge - stop being your own worst enemy, and start to be the same friend you are to others to yourself. Let's stop this being a woman's thing once and for all! What do you say? Are you up for it? Fantastic... do let me know how you're getting on.

Julie Johnson, Leading Success Coach, Speaker and Author, teaches women around the world how to be successful and happy in business and in life.
For access to 'The 3 Show-Stopping Mistakes Made by Women Entrepreneurs Every Day' visit http://www.juliejohnsoncoaching.com '

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The Common Denominator of Success

 By Les Taylor 

Photo: kingori.co
 
If I were to ask a dozen people what they believed to be the common denominator of success - eleven of them would probably say "hard work." While hard work is certainly one element of success, it's really not the common denominator. There are lots of hard-working people out there who don't seem very successful and, conversely, there are a few successful ones who didn't seem to work very hard at all.
Another common belief is that money or riches would be the common denominator of success. Earl Nightingale, a pioneer in the field of personal achievement, said: "Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal." The reason I like that definition of success so much is because it takes money or riches out of the equation. In other words, if people are teaching school, serving in ministry, delivering mail or staying home with the kids - because they want to - they are successful. So money isn't the common denominator either.
Albert E. N. Gray describes it this way: "The common denominator of success of every person who has ever been successful - lies in the fact that he or she formed the habit of doing things that failures don't like to do." And there you have it; the common denominator of success is habitually doing what the non-successful won't do.
This explains why we see a 95 percent failure rate for small businesses in the first ten years after start up - 80 percent of that 95 percent fail within the first two years. It also explains why we see so many highly qualified people fail in the businesses they seem so highly suited for. Conversely, it's not uncommon to see outstanding success by others in spite of facing overwhelming obstacles or discouraging handicaps.
The Common Denominator of Sales
So, if the successful form the habit of doing things unsuccessful people won't do, what are the things they don't like to do? Well, that depends on what field they're in. Let's take sales as our first example. Sales success means calling on people who may not be interested in what we have to offer. It's called prospecting.
Unsuccessful people simply haven't figured out innovative or creative ways of getting the interest of those who could benefit from their product or service. Maybe they haven't narrowed their target market enough. Maybe they haven't researched a prospect's business to the degree they can show a benefit from buying what they have to sell. No, it just takes too much effort do research or think creatively. But successful people will.
Successful sales people understand that to get an appointment with a few select prospects they'll have to make a dozen or more calls, at various times of the day, before an appointment gets made. But they do it anyway.
The Common Denominator of Writing
Let's consider the field of writing. As a published author, I regularly hear people say, "I've always wanted to write a book." When asked "why don't you?" I hear excuses like "I just can't get started," or "I don't write well," or "I'm not sure anyone would be interested," or... well, you get the idea. They want the title of author but they don't necessarily want to take the time to actually write something.
I once heard a radio interview with a prolific author and writer. He was taking calls from listeners and one of them said: "You've written so many books and articles, I see your work everywhere, how do you find the time?" The author's response was: "Madam, I write something every day, without exception."
The Common Denominator of (You Pick the Topic)
It doesn't matter what you do, it doesn't matter what field you're in, the common denominator for your success will be to simply do those things you need to do to become successful. Not sure what those things are? Then find someone who has been successful in your field, buy that person lunch and ask. Successful people are happy to share the "secrets" of their success and, guess what? There are no"secrets." What you'll find is that that individual, in that specific field, is simply doing what the unsuccessful aren't doing - or won't do.
A couple of decades ago, I was sharing with a mentor that I was reading a lot about parenting, because I wanted to be a better parent. His advice to me was to find a couple who were raising great kids and spend time with them. Thankfully, for my children's sake, I did just that. One of the great "secrets" I discovered was that great parents spend time with their kids. Duh!
Outstanding organizations and high-performing individuals have this one thing in common. They do those things that need to be done - even when they don't want to.
Go forth and do likewise.

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How to Stay Motivated When College Is Hard

 By Frederik Kreijmborg 

 Photo: collegecandy.files.wordpress.com

Each year thousands of students don't survive college because they think it's too hard. They can't motivate themselves so they give up early. The following three motivational advices have helped many students even through the most difficult times at college.
1. Have the end in mind
One of the most powerful mantras is this tiny sentence by Stephen Covey, a grandmaster of efficiency: "Have the end in mind."
Don't forget why you started studying in the first place. You had dreams, wishes, visions, ideas - remember them and think about the outcome of these grueling times you're currently going through.
You will survive this much easier if you concentrate on what you want to achieve in the end instead of focusing on what's bothering you right now.
People who have the end in mind are much more successful in life because they simply don't have time to worry. Yes, sometimes college is hard. Sometimes life is hard in general. But with the end in mind it's easy to stay motivated.
Think of the bad times as clouds which hide the sun behind. The sun is still there, even if you can't see it right now.
2. Benefit from going the extra mile
Try to change your point of view. How will you see your current situation in five, ten or twenty years? Will you think that it was the hardest time you ever had? Probably not. College is a cakewalk if you compare it to the "real world".
So, how could you stay motivated by altering your perspective? That's easy: you should turn your passiveness into activity. Challenge yourself with the stuff that's giving you a hard time at college.
Overcome your fear and confront your weaknesses. Conquer your mind and get back in control.
You'll benefit from going the extra mile. People who drop out of college because they couldn't stand the pressure won't get far with their whiny attitude. Of course it's okay if you just don't want to go to college anymore - but you should have an alternative at your disposal. Dropping out into nothing is exactly that: devastating.
You'll stay motivated if you challenge yourself with the things that you currently perceive as "hard". Over time you'll realize how easy "it" was.
3. Relax, it's not the end of the world
What's the worst thing that could happen? You get kicked out of college. Is that really the worst thing that could happen to you right now? You won't get a job. Is that really the worst thing that could happen to you right now? Your parents would disregard you. Is that really the worst thing that could happen to you right now?
Think. Think hard. You'll then realize that - even if you fail miserably at college - it's not the end of the world.
Going to a college is a great opportunity. But there are dozens, hundreds, thousands of opportunities out there. College is not for everybody. If you're still unsure about that you should search for people ("made men") who dropped out of college and made a fortune doing something else.
Learn to relax and you'll easily be able to stay motivated when college is hard.

Frederik Kreijmborg is a personal growth coach and motivational speaker at www.salaazy.com.
Especially young people respond well to his ideas. Get involved today - you can read all of his blog articles for free!

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How To Easily Increase Your Self-Confidence

By Martin Hurley  

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If you suffer from a lack of self-confidence or low self-esteem, you may struggle with an inability to achieve your goals and reach your full potential. Fortunately, there are some ways that you can feel more confident without having to change your whole personality. Use the following advice to feel better about yourself right away.
The healthier and more fit you are, the better your overall attitude about yourself and your life will be. If you are out of shape, start working out right away so that you can get fit. Of course, there are more benefits to being healthy than just getting a boost to your confidence. You will also live longer and enjoy a higher quality of life.
One good tool for boosting your self-confidence is coming up with a few motivational speeches or mantras that you can use in a pinch. Just listing a few of your good qualities can be enough to make you feel better about yourself. Tell yourself that you are a smart, strong, capable person who is just as good as anyone else. If you repeat these speeches to yourself often enough, you will soon come to believe them, which will therefore raise your base level of confidence.
The better dressed you are, the better you will feel about yourself. You do not have to be dressed to the nines whenever you head out, but try not to look slovenly, as if you just pulled whatever smelled best out of the laundry pile in the morning. Find a personal style that suits you, and then dress nicely within that style. Pay attention to your personal grooming as well. Keep your hair and nails neatly trimmed, and shower on a regular basis.
Your posture and the way you walk say a lot about your level of confidence. If you slouch and shuffle your way through life, no one is going to take you seriously or treat you with respect. Stand up straight and walk with an air of confidence. You will soon find that doing so becomes second nature, especially once you see how people treat you with newfound respect once they recognize the changes in your posture.
When you are in a group, do not hide in the back and never say anything. Instead, try to sit or stand in a prominent location and do not be afraid to express your ideas and opinions. It may be difficult at first, but you will soon be able to overcome your embarrassment and state your beliefs in a clear and forthright manner. Do not be overly aggressive or confrontational, however. Try to be respectful and open in your statements, and other people will be equally respectful of you.
Low self-confidence can really hold you back in life, but the good news is that it can be fixed. Feeling more confident will help you do better in life, and the better you do, the more confident you will become. Start using this cycle of positive feedback in your own life so that you can achieve your goals and reach your ideal self.

Good life management starts with being organised at home and in the office. To help you plan, manage and organise your day, visit my http://www.great-printable-calendars.com site to download To-Do lists, free day and year calendars and free calendar software you can personalise to your heart's content!

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Get Rid Of Shyness Even If You Have No Self Esteem

By Reem Jones  

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In order to get rid of shyness you need to know what it really is. Shyness is not what you are but a state of mind and how you feel. When you suffer from having no self-esteem, all you want to do is crawl into a ball and disappear. This makes you extremely uncomfortable to be around other people... especially people who have very high self-esteem. When put on the spot, you get all nervous and turn beet red, wishing you could hide. Some people get so nervous they end up running away. These are cases of people who are extremely shy. You can get rid of shyness and it's fairly easy to do. All it takes is a little work.
You need to understand what makes you shy in the first place. Some people are confident talking in small groups but get really shy talking one-on-one or with the opposite sex. Men are known to be shy around women they like and vice versa. Actors get shy when they have to do interviews and get a little personal. Musicians get shy when they have to go on stage and perform one of the best shows of their career. The thing is, these people found a way to get rid of shyness and accomplish a particular goal. When a person has no self-esteem, they only see reasons why they should run away and hide. When a person has a high level of confidence, they learn how to overcome this. Get rid of shyness and you'll see how much power you'll have within.
A really good way to get rid of shyness is by moving pass the fear. If you're shy around women, it's good to surround yourself around women. If you're shy speaking in public, it's best to start speaking to small groups until you can start speaking in bigger groups. That's another funny thing about shyness. A person could be one of the greatest speakers in public, but have a fear of speaking to someone and asking them out on a date. Once you're exposed to your fears on a consistent basis, your body starts getting use to that particular situation. You stand a little more firmer. You tend to do a little better knowing that you have the situation under control. When you have no self-esteem, you'll have a decent amount of confidence in this particular situation. If you can do this in many areas of your life, you'll start to gain confidence and improve self-esteem. Little do some people know, all it takes is a slight discomfort in the beginning and pretty soon you'll feel like you're in your comfort zone.

Get rid of shyness and gain confidence simply and easily. Stop living your life in fear and live a life free of shyness and a lack of self-self esteem

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How You Can Get The Most From Your Natural Talents

 By Martin Hurley 

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While you may be perfectly competent at many different activities, there may not be any one thing that you are really skilled at. If you want to master an activity and make it yours, you need to devote enough time and energy to truly become great at it. The following tips will show you how to develop your natural talents and achieve greatness in any field.
To master a skill and improve your abilities, you need to practice the skill on a regular basis. Just doing something intermittently when you feel like it will not give you the results you seek. You need to have enough self-discipline so that you practice even on bad days when you feel tired and unmotivated.
Being aware of your weaknesses is important when you are trying to improve your abilities. You need to know which areas need the most work, and you can only do so by listing your strengths and weaknesses. Be honest with yourself and do not sugarcoat things to make yourself feel better. Taking an objective look at yourself, no matter how painful it may be, is crucial to effective personal development.
Staying motivated is one key to self-improvement. It is all too easy to let things slide if you do not feel very motivated on a certain day. Try to find ways of staying focused on your goals. Remind yourself of what you will get out of improving your natural talents. Picture all of the amazing things that you can do once you reach your goals. Doing so will help you reinforce your dedication.
A coach or mentor can be a big help when you are trying to improve a certain skill. Finding an experienced coach who has gone through the same process of development can make it easier to progress quickly. Your coach can help guide you along the path of improvement and help you avoid any common mistakes or errors that you might be unaware of. He or she can give you pointers so that you make more progress than you could on your own.
When you are feeling unmotivated or discouraged, giving yourself an incentive can get you back on track. It can be something as simple as a favourite snack, or as big as taking a dream vacation. Whatever you choose should be significant enough that it will make you get up and start moving again even in the face of adversity.
It is important to have good sources of support in your life when you embark on a journey of self-improvement. Without a good support system and plenty of healthy relationships, you will be less likely to succeed. You need to have people in your life who can encourage you and give you the support you need to keep making real progress toward your goals.
Many people have talent, but only those who are willing to put in enough hard work can turn their talents into something truly amazing. By working to develop your natural talents, you can give yourself a boost of self-confidence that can spill over to the rest of your life. Use the tips from this article to help yourself achieve your full potential in life.

Want to make the most of your precious time? To help you manage and plan your day with ease, visit my http://www.great-printable-calendars.com site to download free To-Do lists, handy week and month calendars and free calendar templates you can personalise to your specific needs.

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Memory Loss and Its Causes

 By David Starks 

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Generally, people accept the fact that their memory will fail them especially when they grow old. Most often, people associate growing old with mental illnesses like Alzheimer's disease, dementia and other mental problems. However, people need to understand the underlying causes of such problems because they can prevent it from happening. There are some things that they can do while they are still young in order for them to preserve their memory improvements and other brain functions at its best until they grow old.
As people approach their old age, their arteries and their veins get clogged because of plaque deposits. This contributes to the narrowing of the passage of blood which could restrict the blood flow going to the heart and to the brain as well. When there is not enough blood circulating in these important areas of the body, people may expect problems. The brain needs as much nutrients and oxygen that is delivered through the blood. Failure to provide sufficient supply to the brain may cause lesser efficiency rate when it comes to memory functions. People may not even notice that they are experiencing some form of very mild strokes which can cause damage to their brain cells.
The presence of free radicals in the body may also cause damages to the brain cells. When the body is not able to protect itself from this, there will be health as well as mental problems that can occur. People who are also deficient with the needed minerals and vitamins like B6 and B12 may also suffer from memory loss. In order for people to combat these problems that may affect their brain functions, they need to include antioxidant as well as vitamin B rich foods into their diet. They may consult with professional dieticians as to the amount that they need in order to keep their bodies and their brains working with the highest efficiency rate.
Aside from the right diet, people also need to do some regular exercises and to get sufficient amount of sleep. Those who are able to keep their bodies healthy may also have better cognitive functioning. They may also make some modifications in their lifestyles for them to enhance their memory and to keep it intact until they grow old. Although there are supplements available for those who would like to enhance their memory, they need to ask their doctors how to improve memory. People can prevent the occurrence of memory loss and they can also look forward to growing old without necessarily losing their memory.

There are lots of ways on how to improve your memory. There is a lot of information that you still need to know with memory improvement programs. If you are looking for more information about a memory improvement you can find it at http://www.memory-improvement-techniques.com.

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How To Cure A Slump Of Confidence

By Dawn Redd  

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Slumps are unexplainable. Sometimes it hits just a single player, while other times it hits an entire team at once. The worst part is that, by its very definition, a slump has to attack a vital member of the team... someone on whom everyone is counting. Is it a slump if a bad player continues to perform poorly? I don't think so.
One thing is for sure, slumps are frustrating for everyone involved. While the slump manifests itself as a severe drop in skill level, I happen to believe there's an equally (if not more critical) dip in confidence that affects slumping players. Imagine the player whose identity is wrapped up in being the best at what they do and what would happen to their confidence when they stopped being at the top of the heap.
So what can coaches do to help this player revive their confidence and regain their top skill level?
4 Steps We Can Take To Address A Player's Slump

1. Don't talk about confidence. I wouldn't suggest starting the conversation with, "So you're lacking confidence... ". An elite athlete will almost never admit to losing their confidence even if it's true. Beyond that, confidence and skill are intertwined so addressing the skill will more than likely take care of the confidence issue as well.


2. Address self-talk. Many times, I'll ask athletes who are consistently struggling in a particular area, what they say to themselves before they perform the skill. Without fail, they're telling themselves, "don't do this" or "be careful"... some sort of passive or fearful self-talk. Our goal has to be to get them to say what they will do correctly instead of filling themselves with doom and gloom over what could possibly go wrong.


3. Work on a specific, tangible skill with specific goals. Most likely, our slumping player thinks everything they're doing is awful and they're just a hot mess. Our job is to pick one tangible skill that can be worked on and give our player cues to replay in their head when they're performing that skill. A specific goal combined with a tangible skill could be something like: "I'm going to come to practice fifteen minutes early to practice every day for two weeks and work on keeping my elbow high when I serve."


4. Visualize success. The next thing we can do for our athlete is to give her steps to visualize her success. There is all sorts of research out there that says that our bodies react the same to a realistically imagined event as they do to the real thing. Meaning, if our player visualizes herself serving an ace on game point, cheering with her team, and the officials signaling the end of the game... her heart rate will increase just as if it were happening in reality.

Most of us will have to deal with a player going through an unexpected slump and they'll be looking to us to help them figure things out. Check out this post, How To Fix A Slump, for more information... the comments section was particularly festive.
Dawn Redd is the Head Volleyball Coach at Beloit College. Come visit Coach Dawn's community of coaching nerds and team leaders over at her blog, http://www.coachdawnwrites.com, where she teaches how to become an excellent coach, motivate individuals, and build successful teams.
Her book, Coach Dawn's Guide To Motivating Female Athletes, is available for purchase on her website.
Follow Coach Dawn on Twitter: @CoachDawnWrites

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How to Improve Your Innovative Skills

By Paul Baker  

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Start by deliberate innovation practices
Don't wait for innovation to strike you as you go about your daily life. Innovation is a skill that needs you to practice it all the time. If you read these tips and make yourself a promise that when you wake up tomorrow you will try and do all of them, you will have started being innovative.
Challenge the ways things are done
This is a big one and is the easiest way to identify innovative people because they are always looking to see if things can be done better. They are always challenging the traditional way of performing and unfortunately fired from their jobs because of this.
Employers should embrace these people because it is only by challenging how things are done that we can do them better. If you hear anyone tell you "It has always been done this way." then you know this is an area that desperately needs some innovation.
Practice by looking at all the steps involved in the activity and see if any are wasted or done better with current technology.
Become a child again
Children have a great knack for getting to the heart of the matter quickly, and so can you. If you follow this simple technique.
When faced with an activity or task ask why it is done this way. Then for each answer they give you, ask why at least four more times.
This will drill down to the real reason why something is being done and surprisingly it is not always what you think. This type of questioning is useful in uncovering and removing the "always has" responses.
In some cases even giving the product or items to children and allowing them to play with it can highlight factors that adults miss.
Break your own routines and habits
To become innovative you need to freshen up your creative juices and experience new things yourself. This means you need to stop doing what you always do and apply the following practices in your daily activities.

• Change the way you go and leave work
• Travel to another nearby town for the day and just watch people do what they do
• Eat at different restaurants or dining rooms
• Find a recreational activity that you haven't done before and go do it this weekend
• Read a book that you normally would not ever read
• Open the dictionary to a random page and memorise at least five new words you did not know
• Join a social group that you wouldn't normally join and listen to their ideas

Overall innovation is about experiencing different and new ways of doing activities so you can see if any will cross over to your activities.
Get involved in learning for life and challenge yourself to do at least thirty new things every year.

Information supplied by Paul Baker
Over twenty years of business development & change management strategies successfully used in National organisations across Australia. The focus is on continuous improvement of business systems to stimulate growth through our principles of Initiate, Inspire, Innovate.
Customer-centric focus using our extensive experience in consumer behaviour and business process operations to find ways to help business owners manage their organisations.
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