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Thursday, January 24, 2013

From Loser to Winner

By Naheed Haq


I dragged myself towards my last destination. Even my feet seemed reluctant to carry my weight. My heart thudded faster and faster. It was the only sign that made me realize that my soul was still within the human frame of my body. Thick and heavy clouds of melancholy hovered above my life. I was dying in bits and pieces that was really painful. I wanted to die once and for all. I stumbled on the sloppy path that led to the sea, my last destination where the furious splashy waves were waiting to engulf me and my sorrows forever. I was a loser! Yes a loser, who deserves to meet the same fate as I have chosen for myself. The word loser has a special affiliation with me through out my life. The echo of this word has never let it grip get loose on me.

Some vivid memories of the past flashed before my eyes. I could see my teacher standing at the end of the corridor, his fierce eyes fixed on me. Peeping through those steel rimmed glasses he yelled with full force" loser! David Andrew you are a loser!" Tears of agony, humiliation and helplessness trickled down my cheeks. His merciless words followed me like my shadow.

Life treated me very brutally. Whenever I tried to hold the beautiful butterflies of delight in my hands, they would fly away leaving behind the dull moths of pain and miseries. Pain has always been my close associate. In fact I learnt to live with pain. As I was a loser so I lost my parents when I was only 6 years old. Brought up in an orphanage I was deeply exposed to the sufferings of life and how it seems to be an orphan. It was a period of deprivation and desire.

To give a vent to my pent up emotions I started writing about my experiences of life and it really worked as I got both recognition and happiness, but the phase seemed too short as if only a dream that ended abruptly.

Nancy Philip came into my life like a fresh wave of cool breeze. She spread colours of rainbow in my life and illuminated it with the fragrance of her aroma. But soon my life was exposed to the wild storms of agony and misery.

One of my books was chosen for the National award and everyone including Nancy was sure that it would win the award, but as mentioned earlier, destiny has branded me with the word loser, so once again I became the most desirable victim of unfavourable fate and the award was given to another author. The intensity of this incident resulted in my separation from Nancy as she refused to spend her life with a loser. LOSER! This word pricked my heart bitterly. I was totally broken. Life has always deceived and defeated and today I decided to pay it in equal terms so I was ready to break the brutal shackles of life once and for all.

At last I was close to my death bed. I could feel the wet sand beneath my feet. The heavy waves of water were dancing in front of me. It seemed as they were celebrating the ceremony of receiving their victim and then engulfing him for ever with all his miseries and sufferings. I took a deep breath, mustered up all my courage and stepped forward to embrace the splashing roaring waves forever. "David! David!" For a moment I thought the Angel of death was calling out my name. "Look! He is the famous writer David"

The lively expressions in that voice brought me out of my trance and I realized that I was still alive standing on the sandy shore, the chill cold water of the sea touching my feet. I saw some young boys moving towards me along with a middle aged man. One of the boys held my hand saying" Sir are you David Andrew? You are my favourite author; I have read all your books." He said all this in one breath. The shine in his eyes told me how much excited he was to meet me. The aged man, who was their teacher, told me that these young boys belonged to an orphanage and my books are a source of inspiration for them. These words touched my soul like the fragrance of a fresh flower. For the first time in life I realized that I was not a loser. In fact I was a ray of light for all the bereaved hearts. What a big mistake I was going to commit. My suicide would have snatched the shine of so many eyes. It would have destroyed the happiness of so many innocent souls.

That incident gave me a new life. I discovered the true meaning of life. Life was to live for others. I was no longer a loser. I was a winner for the first time in my life.

Naheed Haq from KPK, Pakistan.

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