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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

7 Signs to Tell If You Are Boring Someone

 By: Crystal Jonas


Do you know when someone find you (yikes!) boring? Signs That You May Be Boring Someone Develop an essential element of Emotional Intelligence training; social Awareness.

7 Silent Signs That You May Be Boring Someone

I urge you to develop an essential element of Emotional Intelligence -- Have Social Awareness. This includes knowing how you're being perceived by others. Do you know when someone finds you (yikes!) boring?

As someone who speaks for a living, I can assure you that *many* people have missed some crucial signs that others have mentally tuned them out because the speaker is not aware that they're not engaging the other person. Emotional Intelligence and social awareness are critical components in cultivating social savvy and the success that comes with it.

It doesn't take a lot of intelligence nor is it an ego booster when you realize that what you think is a great story you've been telling is actually driving someone to the brink of a coma with boredom. However, with proper training and conscious effort, you will commit this social crime a lot less often and probably improve your popularity if you do something about those telltale signs of boredom as soon as they arrive on the scene. The critical point, of course, is being able to recognize boredom at its first blush.

Below are seven nonverbal signals you'll want to pick up on quickly about emotional intelligence and body language so you won't be considered boring by others:

Remember; consider the entire context of body language. Don't put too much meaning in a single gesture. Rather, notice the eyes, head, arms, body, the whole body; this allows you to "read" their messages in the proper context. With a little self- training, you'll become a master at understanding if you are boring people when you speak.

ARE YOU BORING, BODY LANGUAGE TIP #1: Rotating the head from side to side. You know, like there's a cramp in the neck. While the side to side bob should raise your radar, rest assured that the good old nod up and down pretty much means what you think it means. The person you're talking with is with you and, assuming there's eye contact, is also agreeing with your take on the matter.

ARE YOU BORING, BODY LANGUAGE TIP #2: Keeping hands hidden. The main reason we shake hands and military people salute, by the way, is to show that we're unarmed. Hidden hands might suggest some kind of breakdown in communication if accompanied with a severe break in eye contact.

ARE YOU BORING, BODY LANGUAGE TIP #3: Emotional intelligence skills gathered through training will help you realize what "micro gestures" mean. Narrowing the eyes with the head turning away from you. Not only might you be boring them, but if they also shake their heads, they may be second guessing your honesty or sincerity.

ARE YOU BORING, BODY LANGUAGE TIP #4: Eyes glazed over. Yes, it's the most obvious sign of boredom, and it doesn't take much social awareness to recognize this one. The unfocused eyes are not a good sign, especially when their facial expression fails to even come close to matching your own expression at the moment.

Those zoned out, non-blinking eyes with emotion-free facial clues tell you that, wherever their mind is right now, it's not on what you just said.

ARE YOU BORING, BODY LANGUAGE TIP #5: Emotional intelligence training, also indicates that rubbing the ears, eyes, or nose while turning slightly away from you and even shuffling the feet can indicate that someone is bored with you. They may be trying to put a physical barrier between themselves and you.

ARE YOU BORING, BODY LANGUAGE TIP #6: Picking at their clothes as eye contact stays persistently broken or looking around the room. Are they smoothing wrinkles that aren't there? Removing link only they can see? Inside they may be thinking when is this person going to stop talking, and do I need to fake cardiac arrest to get out of this conversation? Gently turn the talk back their way.

ARE YOU BORING, BODY LANGUAGE TIP #7: Showing a clinched fist with tightened facial muscles. Yikes! How long have you been talking? The frustration has escalated. Quickly, before they do something drastic, let them talk!

Of course, it's impossible to assume an entire conversation behind a single gesture, and there's no reason at all for you to take offense at a single one of these signals in isolation.

Like words themselves, body language in the form of gestures must be interpreted as part of the entire communications package. What else are these people doing? Be sure to look at the whole picture before rushing to conclusions. Develop your skills in emotional intelligence training so you will become more socially aware and less socially boring.

And remember, of course, when in doubt, it's always a good idea to toss the conversational ball back in their court to keep them engaged in the conversation and minimize boredom!

Hi, I'm Crystal Jonas.I teach Emotional intelligence and leadership training in the workplace and offer training, consulting, coaching, speaking, keynote speaking, and programs for personal, and corporate training. I specialize in communications skills and developing leadership skills through emotional intelligence training. I am a nine time published author on subjects related to emotional intelligence.
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